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Sunday @ 8:45 AM
Sunday @ 8:45 AM
DEALING WITH MESSY RELATIONSHIPS
In this study, we will look at six traits God calls us to exhibit, traits that can clean up and restore a messy relationship. Living a life infused with these traits can even prevent a relationship from getting messy in the first place.
Followers of Christ not only seek to surround themselves with people who will strengthen and encourage them, but they seek to do the same in other’s lives.
Let's continue with the third trait to FORGIVE.
THE
BIBLE MEETS LIFE
Sometimes
we’re better off paying a higher price.
- Ever bought the generic brand of peanut butter, only to discover you should’ve paid the higher price to get something that actually tasted like peanut butter?
- Ever bought a cheap appliance, only to replace it a year later because its low price was matched by its low quality?
- Ever tried to save some money by staying in an inexpensive hotel room, only to discover management kept prices down by not investing in bug extermination?
A lot
of things come at a high price, but they’re worth it. I’d put forgiveness in
that “high-priced” category. But even though it can be costly, forgiveness is a
great investment in any relationship. Forgiveness is the stuff of healthy
marriages, healthy families, and healthy churches. Relationships grow when we
let go of a hurt, a wound, or a critical remark.
Click Play to Watch
As you examine Jesus’ story of the unforgiving servant, allow the Word of God to run through you, removing any remnants of unforgiveness.
WHAT
DOES THE BIBLE SAY?
Matthew
18:21-22
21
Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother
or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many
as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.”
We’re
going to look at a parable where Jesus spoke about forgiveness, but He told the
parable in response to a curious question Peter asked. Since Peter was a leader
among the twelve apostles, he often spoke for the group. All the disciples may
have been wondering about this question, but we know Peter was the one who
asked if there was a quota on grace. How many times are we called to let the
same person slide off the hook? A legit question.
Peter
proceeded to speculate at the answer to his own question. He filled in the blank
with the number seven, the number of completeness. The rabbis of that day challenged
people to overlook an offense up to three times. Three strikes and you’re out.
To Peter’s way of thinking, he was being generous. Forgiving someone seven
times more than doubled the cultural expectations for
grace. Peter upped the ante on grace, doubling the “grace” of the religious
leaders and even raising the bar an extra notch beyond that.
Question
2:
What
can happen when we forgive someone?
Peter
was probably feeling pretty good about himself in this moment, perhaps like we
might feel giving a waitress a $50 tip on a $20 dinner. In these rare moments
of bigheartedness, we like to pat ourselves on the back.
Jesus
surely stunned Peter with His response: “I take your seven and raise it seventy
fold.” Jesus is saying the grace you offer others should have no limits. Few
people are ever offended 50, 60, or 70 times by the same person in a short
time. The Lord is exaggerating here for effect, creating a ridiculous scenario
to capture the attention of the disciples. He’s essentially saying: just keep
forgiving.
Corrie
ten Boom lived through the nightmare of a Nazi concentration camp. She was the only
one in her family who made it out alive. In that hellish place, she was
humiliated, especially in the shower where the women were watched by the
leering guards. By the grace of God, Corrie survived it all and found it in her
heart to forgive—or so she thought.
Corrie
traveled extensively to share her testimony of God’s forgiveness. One Sunday in
a church in Munich, a man approach her with his hand outstretched. “A fine
message, Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at
the bottom of the sea! . . . I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel
things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well.
Fraulein . . . will you forgive me?”
She
recognized his face instantly. This was the leering, mocking face of one of the
cruelest guards in the shower stall. Her hand froze by her side. Coldness
clutched her heart. Ashamed at herself, she prayed, “Jesus, help me! . . . I
can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.” As she prayed, her
hand became unfrozen. The ice of hate melted, and her hand went out. “I forgive
you, brother! With all my heart!” She forgave as she was forgiven.1
Have
you ever prayed a prayer like that? Have you asked Jesus to supply the power to
set others free with extravagant grace?
Matthew
18:23-27
23
“For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to
settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who
owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the
money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and
everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the servant fell
face down before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you
everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him,
and forgave him the loan.”
ENGAGE
Every
preacher knows the power of storytelling. Logic and reason can appeal to an
audience, but nothing captures a crowd like an imaginative tale. People lean in
and listen to a well-told story, and Jesus was the master narrator.
To
drive home His shocking “seventy times seven” statement to Peter, Jesus told a
parable. This was not an actual story, but an illustration of the truth Jesus
wanted to teach. The parable is about a man with a major debt crisis. He owed
the king a crazy amount of cash and had no means of paying it off. When the
king called in the note, the indebted man fell face down on the ground, begging
his master to give him additional time to pay it all back.
The
king was seasoned and wise. He knew this man could burn the candle at both
ends, working 24/7 for the rest of his life, and still not produce the cash
required to pay this bill. What was the king to do? In an astonishing act of
grace and mercy, the king relieved the man of his responsibility and pardoned
the debt. All of it.
Similarly,
our debt of rebellion and offense against God is so huge it is an impossible feat
for us to pay off the debt. But Jesus paid the debt in full for us, and God has
forgiven the debt. We do not deserve forgiveness, but God in His grace and
mercy has extended forgiveness to us through Jesus. We are free!
Question
3:
What
are some obstacles that hinder us from forgiving others?
Matthew
18:28,32-33
28
“That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a
hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you
owe!’ 32 “Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked
servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you
also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ ”
The
king set the man free from his huge debt. He was allowed to run free, but
sadly, he ran in the wrong direction. He ran after someone who owed him money.
The second man’s debt was not small, but it was insignificant compared to the
debt just canceled.
Question
4:
How do
the king’s actions in this parable mirror God’s actions toward us?
Jesus’
story was designed to produce outrage in the heart of the hearers. Jesus wanted
Peter and the others to ask themselves the question: “What kind of person would
be so cruel as to require his friend to pay, right after he just got pardoned?”
Herein
lies the real question. Why do we withhold forgiveness when we’ve been forgiven
so much, and when we have it in our power to give it so easily?
We can
wrongly rationalize lots of reasons for postponing forgiveness, but one of the leading
reasons for withholding grace is the desire to “teach the offender a lesson.” Sometimes
we think our offer of forgiveness could send the wrong message. If I forgive and
let go of the offense, he will think I am condoning his behavior, which could encourage
him to keep doing wrong.
Practicing
tough love is not out of bounds. The local church occasionally and collectively
will alienate a believer who shames the name of Jesus by a sinful lifestyle (1
Cor. 5:9-13). Church discipline exists to drive a person to the place of
repentance and restoration. But that doesn’t preclude the act of forgiveness.
Forgiveness
is not always easy, but it is always right. Only a heartless, cruel person would
make a friend pay a petty bill in the wake of his own extravagant pardon. As children
of a compassionate Father, we must find it in our hearts to forgive. We need to
be forgiven . . . and we need to become forgivers. This means more than a
one-time transaction. It means we strive to continually forgive and clear the
hurts that hold us back.
Forgiveness
is costly too. After all, look at what it cost Jesus. The extravagant form of forgiveness
Jesus calls for is only possible when performed as an act of worship.
Forgiveness
is not an emotional reaction to a person but a grateful response to our loving Lord.
We forgive for His sake, as an offering to Him who has forgiven us.
Question
5:
How
have you seen forgiveness deepen or restore a relationship?
LIVE
IT OUT
Imagine
three bills in your hand. Each bill represents a person who has hurt you and
“owes” you. How can you apply grace, mercy, and forgiveness to the situation?
Choose one of the following applications:
- Evaluate. Consider your current relationships and spend time identifying areas of unforgiveness in your heart.
- Take a small step. Make an effort to extend forgiveness in a relationship where you’ve been wronged or slighted. Take the first step even if you’ve done nothing wrong.
- Take a large step. Identify a relationship in which you need to be forgiven— one where you’ve contributed to bad feelings, or even where you’re completely in the wrong. With humility, make an effort to bridge the gap.
Your
sin is a 10,000 talent debt forgiven by God. Someone’s comparatively small
“debt” to you just doesn’t compare. God forgives. You can too.
Can's wait to see each of you this Sunday!
In His Love,
David & Susan
Teacher Notes:
Teacher Notes:
Video:
The Shack - Forgiveness
Click Play to Watch
This
quote I think explains this degree of forgiveness:
“One
of the greatest tests of the degree of a person’s transformation into the
likeness of Christ is his reaction to the one who does evil to him.”
Our
lesson said that sometimes we’re better off paying a higher price for
somethings.
· Buying
a cheaper generic brand of peanut butter that didn’t even taste like peanut
butter.
· Buying
a cheap appliance, only to replace it a year later.
There
are some things that come at a high price, but they’re worth it. Our lesson
puts forgiveness in that “high-priced” category.
Forgiving
Others
Ways
you’ve been hurt or offended: Betrayal, Hurtful words, Unkept promises, Lies,
Bullying, Shut out from friends, Not included, Physically harmed, Being treated
unfairly
What
would it cost you to forgive
the person who has hurt you?
We are
going to look at three principles of forgiveness that if put into practice will
grow and deepen our relationships especially the messy ones.
Turn
to Matthew 18: Jesus’ story of the unforgiving servant
Matthew
18:21-22
Then
Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother
or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” “I tell you, not as many
as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.”
Peter
asked Jesus this question about forgiveness. What prompted Peter to ask this
question and what’s his attitude toward this whole idea of forgiveness?
· Peter’s
looking for a limit: how much is enough?
· Jesus
had just given some instructions on how to deal with someone who sins against
you. Peter likely had some past grudges of his own. His concern was legitimate.
People will take advantage of your mercy. Jewish rabbis taught that you were
only obliged to forgive someone three times, so Peter probably thought he was
being generous.
· Jesus’
point was that we should not keep score. Jesus did not mean: a. That bad
behavior does not have bad consequences. b. That you should trust someone who
has repeatedly violated your trust. Adrian Rogers used to say, “Forgiveness is
instantaneous, but trust is earned.”
When
do you find it most difficult to forgive others?
1. Forgive
and keep forgiving.
· Christians
will face situations where they offend one another.
· Christians
are to demonstrate a spirit of unlimited forgiveness.
· Christian
forgiveness knows no limit.
Corrie ten Boom lived through the nightmare of a Nazi
concentration camp. She was the only one in her family who made it out alive. In
that hellish place, she was humiliated, especially in the shower where the
women were watched by the leering guards. By the grace of God, Corrie survived
it all and found it in her heart to forgive—or so she thought.
Corrie
traveled extensively to share her testimony of God’s forgiveness. One Sunday in
a church in Munich, a man approach her with his hand outstretched. “A fine
message, Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at
the bottom of the sea! . . . I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things
I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein . . .
will you forgive me?”
She
recognized his face instantly. This was the leering, mocking face of one of the
cruelest guards in the shower stall. Her hand froze by her side. Coldness
clutched her heart. Ashamed at herself, she prayed, “Jesus, help me! . . . I
can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.” As she prayed, her
hand became unfrozen. The ice of hate melted, and her hand went out. “I forgive
you, brother! With all my heart!” She forgave as she was forgiven.
Have
you ever prayed a prayer like that? Have you asked Jesus to supply the power to
set others free with grace?
Then
Jesus tells a story…
Matthew
18:23-27
“For
this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle
accounts with his servants. When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten
thousand talents was brought before him. Since he did not have the money to pay
it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything
he had be sold to pay the debt. “At
this, the servant fell face down before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I
will pay you everything.’ Then the master of that servant had compassion,
released him, and forgave him the loan.”
Jesus
told a parable about a man who owed a great debt.
· He
owed ten thousand talents. A talent was the highest denomination of currency in
that day, and ten thousand was the highest number for which the Greek language
had a word. According to most sources, one talent was 6,000 denarii. Thus, it
would have taken the man sixteen years to earn just one talent. Because he
could not pay his debt, he and his family were to be sold into slavery. He
promised he would pay the debt if the king gave him some time, but this was an
empty promise. The king took pity on the servant, and he forgave the debt.
What
was Jesus trying to teach us?
· Like
the servant in the parable, we have been forgiven a great debt. We have sinned
against God, and we had no way to repay him. Because God is merciful, He paid
our debt of sin with the blood of His own Son.
Because we have been forgiven of so much, we have a duty to forgive
those who sin against us. • I’ve been a pastor a long time, and I know what
it’s like to be wronged by others. I’ve been wronged by people who call
themselves followers of Jesus, and on occasion, I’ve even been wronged by
colleagues in the ministry. I won’t lie to you: it hurt! However, no one has ever wronged me as much as I’ve wronged God,
and He forgave me. If He forgave me of so much,
how dare I say I can’t forgive others!
2. Remember
that God forgave you.
Matthew
18:28,32-33
“That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a
hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you
owe!’ “Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked
servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you
also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’”
What do you find most
remarkable about the servant’s actions against the one who owed him money?
· Jesus’
story was designed to produce outrage in the heart of the hearers. Jesus wanted
Peter and the others to ask themselves the question: “What kind of person would
be so cruel as to require his friend to pay, right after he just got pardoned?”
Herein
lies the real question. Why do we withhold forgiveness when we’ve been forgiven
so much?
· The
servant later found another servant who owed him “a hundred pence” (that is,
100 denarii). Unlike the king, the servant showed no mercy on the man who owed him
money. He had the man thrown into debtors’ prison. When the king found out what
had happened, he was very angry. The debt owed to the servant was very small in
comparison to what he had owed the king. The king had forgiven the servant at
great cost to himself. He ordered the servant to be turned over to “the
tormentors” (that is, the torturers), which was a worse punishment than
slavery. Jesus warned that the same thing would happen
to those who refuse to forgive others of their sins.
Why is
forgiveness so important in the eyes of God?
· He has
forgiven us of very much, and He continues to forgive us day after day. Other
people’s offenses against us are very minor in comparison to how we have sinned
against God.
What
happens to people who refuse to forgive?
· They
live in the torment of bitterness and guilt. If a person refuses to forgive, we
have reason to question whether he really belongs to Christ (Matthew 6:14-15).
· The
story goes that John Wesley was preaching on forgiveness, and after the service
a man came to him and declared, “I never forgive!” Wesley replied, “Then, sir,
I hope you never sin.”
3. Forgive
because God forgave you.
· For
the forgiven to be unforgiving toward others indicates a total disregard for
the forgiveness they have received from a gracious God.
· We are
to forgive because we have been forgiven.
· Those
who have received mercy are to show mercy (Matt. 5:7).
Close...
- Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is always right. Only a heartless, cruel person would make a friend pay a petty bill in the wake of his own extravagant pardon.
- Forgiveness is costly too. After all, look at what it cost Jesus. The extravagant form of forgiveness Jesus calls for is only possible when performed as an act of worship.
- Forgiveness is not an emotional reaction to a person but a grateful response to our loving Lord. We forgive for His sake, as an offering to Him who has forgiven us.
THE
POINT: Relationships grow deeper with forgiveness.
