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DEALING WITH MESSY RELATIONSHIPS
In this study, Dealing with Messy Relationships, we will look at six traits God calls us to exhibit, traits that can clean up and restore a messy relationship. Living a life infused with these traits can even prevent a relationship from getting messy in the first place.
Followers of Christ not only seek to surround themselves with people who will strengthen and encourage them, but they seek to do the same in other’s lives.
Let's continue with the second trait of ENCOURAGE.
THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE
We’ve
been encouraged all our lives to take our vitamins. So we do. Since the 1940s, we’ve
been popping them in our mouths daily. We know we need these important vitamins
and minerals, and even though a healthy diet is likely to give us all we need, half
of us buy multivitamins or supplements.1
A
daily dose is good for us. We could use a “daily dose” of something else, too. Let’s
call it a spiritual and emotional vitamin: the vitamin of encouragement. We
were created to live in relationship with others, and we hunger for the
affirmation of others.
We
need a healthy supply of encouragement from others to grow as God intends.
Just
ask any athlete about the benefit they gain when they have the “home field advantage.”
Encouragement helps. Unfortunately, too many of us face a deficiency in this
area. Our lives and our relationships can grow weak without encouragement.
Barnabas
was a natural encourager. His life challenges us to be a source of
encouragement to others. We support the other person and strengthen our relationship
when we look for ways to offer encouragement.
WHAT
DOES THE BIBLE SAY?
Acts
9:26-28
26
When he arrived in Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all
afraid of him, since they did not believe he was a disciple. 27 Barnabas,
however, took him and brought him to the apostles and explained to them how
Saul had seen the Lord on the road and that the Lord had talked to him, and how
in Damascus he had spoken boldly in the name of Jesus. 28 Saul was coming and
going with them in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord.
Most
times, the simplest way to learn is to watch someone. As the old adage goes: Some
things are more caught than taught. And Barnabas is someone worth watching. We’ll
let him serve as our encouragement coach, because by his example, he showed us three
ways we can encourage others.
First,
we can encourage acceptance. Barnabas first popped up in Scripture as Joseph of
Cyprus (Acts 4:36). The apostles had given him the nickname “Barnabas,” which
means “Son of Encouragement.” Apparently, this man had developed a sterling reputation
of building up others with loving words, generous acts, and even affirming looks.
When people in the early church thought of an encourager, they thought of Barnabas,
and the nickname stuck.
In
Acts 9, God used Barnabas to bring Saul to a place of prominence. The apostles
may not have rejected Saul outright, but they certainly kept their distance.
Based on his past record, Saul was not the kind of person a Christian would
want to be around. Christians were known to end up in trouble — or dead! — when
Saul came around. Even though Saul’s heart had been changed completely after he
had a personal encounter with Jesus, the believers in Jerusalem didn’t dare
trust him.
Question
2:
What
risks do you take when you endorse an outsider?
Barnabas,
however, realized Saul was a changed man. He saw Saul as a man truly
transformed by the shed blood of Christ. Therefore, Barnabas stuck his neck out
and vouched for Saul. He encouraged the apostles to reconsider their skepticism
and take a risk on this guy. The disciples may not have trusted Saul just yet, but
they did trust Barnabas; so they opened the door and their hearts to Saul, and
he soon became a dominant force in spreading the gospel.
Imagine
how different your faith would be if Saul had been rejected by the disciples!
Had Barnabas taken the easy road, cowering in fear and refusing to endorse
Saul, a large section of the New Testament would not exist. Without Paul, the
second half of Acts simply falls off into the sea. Through this man, the missionary
zeal of the church was produced. Through the ministry of this man, the gospel of
Christ made it to western civilization.
Do you
think Barnabas had any hint of the magnitude of Saul’s soon-to-be ministry?
It’s possible, but it doesn’t seem likely. Barnabas was likely just doing what
he had always done: helping a fellow believer to take the next step in his
spiritual growth. Without Barnabas, it’s likely that Saul would’ve been only a
small bud in the blossoming ministry of the church. But God used an encourager
to help Paul’s ministry flower into greatness.
Is
someone in your life starving for encouragement? Can you think of a person “on
the fringe” who could use an invitation into your circle of influence? You may
never know the difference you make in another’s life when you extend the hand
of fellowship and invite him or her into your world.
Acts
11:21-24
21 The
Lord’s hand was with them, and a large number who believed turned to the Lord.
22 News about them reached the church in Jerusalem, and they sent out Barnabas
to travel as far as Antioch. 23 When he arrived and saw the grace of God, he was
glad and encouraged all of them to remain true to the Lord with devoted hearts,
24 for he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith. And large
numbers of people were added to the Lord.
We can
also encourage growth.
Barnabas
encouraged believers to accept another believer, and he also encouraged
believers to grow spiritually. In Acts 11, Barnabas returned to the stage. This
time, he was commissioned by the apostles in Jerusalem to travel 300 miles
north to Antioch. Many Jews in Antioch embraced Christianity, and the believers
had begun to spread the message to Gentiles as well. As a result, Greeks in the
region were coming to faith in Christ. When the apostles got wind of the
astonishing harvest, they sent Barnabas to assess the situation and to report
what God had done.
Examine
the beautiful picture Luke, the writer of Acts, painted of Barnabas’s ministry.
Because of persecution, believers had scattered, so that the kingdom of God
advanced wherever they went. So as soon as Barnabas saw what God was doing, “he
was glad and encouraged all of them to remain true to the Lord with devoted
hearts” (v. 23). Barnabas surely strengthened these new saints enormously as he
drove home the power of perseverance. To be a Christian was to accept the road
of suffering, but it was a journey they could make with joy.
Barnabas
did more than pay lip service to the joy of his faith; he embodied it. His
message and conduct were in sync: “for he was a good man, full of the Holy
Spirit and of faith” (v. 24).
Perhaps
you are in a season when you are starving for a good word from a friend like
Barnabas. Do you have someone who breathes fresh wind into your sails, who sees
your potential and pushes you to grow? If not, begin praying that the Lord would
bring that person into your life. Conversely, be that kind of person in someone
else’s life. Is there a person in your life who seems to be sinking? Are you
seeing someone wither? Be a Barnabas and begin the process of investing in another
person. Both of you will be blessed.
Question
3:
How
can we intentionally grow into the role of an encourager?
Acts
11:25-26
25
Then he went to Tarsus to search for Saul, 26 and when he found him he brought him
to Antioch. For a whole year they met with the church and taught large numbers.
The disciples were first called Christians at Antioch.
And we
can encourage service.
- “Wow, you’re really gifted with kids!”
- “You made my week with that beautiful song!”
- “Have you ever thought about leading a small group of your own? When you speak, people listen.”
Has
anyone ever said things like this to you?
These
little statements may not sound like much, but over time, a plant grows tall
through regular watering—and a believer grows strong through regular
encouraging. The church of Jesus Christ should be the most encouraging place on
earth. Homes committed to Christ should be greenhouses of growth for young
children coming up in them. Good words encourage growth. And they should encourage
others to step up and serve.
Question
4:
What
are some things that might get in the way of people using their spiritual gifts
in the church?
We
don’t know what Barnabas said to Saul, but as the church in Antioch began to blossom,
Barnabas went to fetch Saul from Tarsus. He brought Saul to Antioch to serve, to
do what God had gifted him to do.
At one
time, Barnabas had served as a mentor to Saul, “watering” him with
encouragement and watching him grow up in the faith. Now Saul had developed to
the point of being Barnabas’s peer in ministry, so that the two became a
formidable force for discipleship. Revival was evident as Saul and Barnabas leveraged
life-giving words. Saul served because he was obedient to the call of God and
Barnabas encouraged him in his work.
But
Barnabas didn’t just use words to encourage Saul’s ministry and teaching. He also
encouraged through his actions: he served alongside Saul.
Barnabas
lived out the charge in Hebrews 10:24: “And let us watch out for one another to
provoke love and good works.” Be encouraged to follow his example.
Question
5:
What
are some ways we can encourage others to serve in our church?
ENGAGE
LIVE
IT OUT
How
can you strengthen your relationships through encouragement? Choose one of the
following applications:
- Express thanks. Express thanks to someone who has been an encouragement to you. Be specific regarding how their words or actions helped you.
- Evaluate your life. Consider whether people are encouraged by your example or actions. Consider what you might need to change to be an encourager like Barnabas.
- Encourage each other. Share ways each person in the group lives out one or more of the character traits in the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23).
We
might not be called to ministry in the way that Paul and Barnabas were or
impact God’s kingdom on that scale. But we should all be encouragers. And who
knows? Maybe one we encourage will accomplish more than we can imagine!
Looking forward to seeing your smiling faces this Sunday on Zoom!
In His Love,
David & Susan
Teacher Notes:
Who has been the most encouraging person in your life?
Teacher Notes:
Video:
Dean Martin & John Wayne
· Dean
Martin was a natural singer.
In our
lesson this morning, Barnabas was a natural encourager. His life challenges us
to be a source of encouragement to others.
Who has been the most encouraging person in your life?
· Toney
Storey
Acts
9:26-28
When
he arrived in Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all
afraid of him, since they did not believe he was a disciple. Barnabas, however,
took him and brought him to the apostles and explained to them how Saul had
seen the Lord on the road and that the Lord had talked to him, and how in
Damascus he had spoken boldly in the name of Jesus. Saul was coming and going
with them in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord.
Some
things are more caught than taught. And Barnabas is someone worth watching.
First
thing we see Barnabas do is to encourage acceptance.
Imagine
how different our faith would be if Saul had been rejected by the disciples!
Had Barnabas taken another road and not endorsed Saul, a large section of the
New Testament would not exist today.
Do you
think Barnabas had any hint of the magnitude of Saul’s soon-to-be ministry?
It’s possible, but it doesn’t seem likely. Barnabas was likely just doing what
he had always done: helping a fellow believer to take the next step in his
spiritual growth.
“Encouragement
is telling others that you believe in them before they even start.”
Is
someone in your life starving for encouragement? Can you think of a person “on
the fringe” who could use an invitation into your circle of influence? You may
never know the difference you make in another’s life when you extend the hand
of fellowship and invite him or her into your world.
1. Encourage
acceptance.
· New
believers who reach out for fellowship need to be warmly embraced.
· Believers
are to encourage new followers of Christ and help them find their place of
service for Him.
Acts
11:21-24
The
Lord’s hand was with them, and a large number who believed turned to the Lord.
News about them reached the church in Jerusalem, and they sent out Barnabas to
travel as far as Antioch. When he arrived and saw the grace of God, he was glad
and encouraged all of them to remain true to the Lord with devoted hearts, for
he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith. And large numbers of people
were added to the Lord.
The
second thing Barnabas did was to encourage growth in a believers’ faith.
Barnabas
encouraged believers to accept another believer, and he also encouraged
believers to grow spiritually.
Barnabas
did more than pay lip service to the joy of his faith; he embodied it. His
message and conduct were in sync: “for he was a good man, full of the Holy
Spirit and of faith” (v. 24).
Perhaps
you are in a season when you are starving for a good word from a friend like
Barnabas. Do you have someone who breathes fresh wind into your sails, who sees
your potential and pushes you to grow? If not, begin praying that the Lord would
bring that person into your life. Conversely, be that kind of person in someone
else’s life. Is there a person in your life who seems to be sinking? Are you
seeing someone wither? Be a Barnabas and begin the process of investing in another
person. Both of you will be blessed.
2. Encourage
growth.
Acts
11:25-26
Then
he went to Tarsus to search for Saul, and when he found him he brought him to
Antioch. For a whole year they met with the church and taught large numbers. The
disciples were first called Christians at Antioch.
The
third thing Barnabas did was to encourage service.
· “Wow,
you’re really gifted with kids!”
· “You
made my week with that beautiful song!”
· “Have
you ever thought about leading a small group of your own? When you speak,
people listen.”
Has
anyone ever said things like this to you?
These
little statements may not sound like much, but over time, a plant grows tall through
regular watering—and a believer grows strong through regular encouraging. The
church of Jesus Christ should be the most encouraging place on earth. Homes
committed to Christ should be greenhouses of growth for young children coming
up in them. Good words encourage growth. And they should encourage others to
step up and serve.
We
don’t know what Barnabas said to Saul, but as the church in Antioch began to blossom,
Barnabas went to fetch Saul from Tarsus. He brought Saul to Antioch to serve, to
do what God had gifted him to do.
3. Encourage
service.
The
Point: Encouragement strengthens relationships.
Conclusion:
When I was little, the Boy Scouts of America did a series of television
commercials that I thought were rather clever. It featured different
celebrities who were former Scouts, and they were dressed in Scout uniforms.
One of them featured Jimmy Stewart, and he said, “When you help start a Scout
troop, there’s no guarantee that one of the boys will grow up to be in the
movies – but you never know!” Another featured Henry Aaron: “When you help
start a Scout troop, there’s no guarantee that one of the boys will grow up to
hit 755 home runs – but you never know!” Another featured former President
Gerald Ford: “When you help start a Scout troop, there’s no guarantee that one
of the boys will grow up to be President of the United States – but you never
know!”
What
happens when you give someone encouragement? There’s no guarantee that you’ll
change their lives, and there’s no guarantee that the person you encourage will
become the next apostle Paul, or the next Billy Graham – but you never know! A
little encouragement can go a very long way.
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