Class Lesson September 29, 2013

Hey Gang,




This week we continue in our series called "Pressure Points."  This Sunday we will be looking at the pressure of conflict.

Here are our six lessons in this series:

1. The Pressure of Trials - James 1:1-4
2. The Pressure of Temptation - James 1:13-18
3. The Pressure of Partiality - James 2:1-13
4. The Pressure of Words - James 3:1-18
5. The Pressure of Conflict - James 4:1-10
6. The Pressure of Retaliation - James 5:1-11

 Conflict in Marriage

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There’s nothing I love as much as a good fight.

– Franklin Roosevelt 

Now, none of us would agree with this statement when talking about our marriage relationship or about conflict in our marriage. People fuss, quarrel, and fight all the time and so do many couples, but I doubt that there are many that "love a good fight."

Think about this question...

Do you think that people in general and especially couples are just naturally bent toward conflict and can conflict be a good thing?

Conflict a good thing
Let’s consider the benefit of conflict: creativity. The famous adage, “two heads are better than one” is precisely about the advantages of conflict, for it assumes that two minds will have separate perspectives, experiences, and ideas. Diversity and communication are hallmarks of a great team, and the occasional root of clashes and conflict. Conflict is a good thing; it’s our response that makes conflict either a creative or destructive process. 

Viva La Difference

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5 Causes of Conflicts:

1. Differing values. When people have differing values, conflicts can result. 
2. Making assumptions. If the husband assumes that his wife will have a hot meal waiting for him when he gets home from work (after all he works so hard at bringing home the bacon) and when that hot meal is not ready, conflict between the husband and wife can result. If the wife assumes her husband will remember their anniversary every year (how can he forget the most important date in their relationship, after all?) a conflict can result when the husband not only doesn’t make special plans to celebrate the day but doesn’t even remember that it is their anniversary.
3. Differing expectations. We expect people to know things without us telling them. What do you mean they can’t read our minds? Well, they should be able to, isn’t that obvious? Well, no. A lot of things are not obvious to many people. Just because that may be your expectation, doesn’t mean that it’s the expectation of other people.
4. Differences in the way you were brought up. The way that you were brought up, your religion, your gender, your race, and your ethnicity can result in conflict with people who are different than you. People see things from the perspective of how they were raised.
5. Knowledge and ability to deal with conflict. If you don’t know how to resolve conflict or are unwilling to try to resolve conflict, this in itself can conflict with someone else who has more knowledge and is more willing than you are. If two nations are unwilling to resolve their differences, they are bound to keep that conflict alive for future generations. We see this in the news every day. Neither side is willing to give an inch to the other side, so the conflict continues.

Apparently James had received word of conflict among believers. Specific details are not described so he writes to a larger audience. You see, for James the details didn’t matter. What mattered was the source. Regardless of what issues led to the differences, James is convinced the source was likely to be the same. It was a personal pride and worldly spirit that was pervasive among them. Until those spiritual matters were settled, conflict would continue to surface. Instead of focusing on conflict between people, James wants us to consider the conflict that happens inside each of us. The most basic conflict we face is an internal, spiritual one.

  

The Point

Overcome the pressure of conflict by humbly submitting to Christ. 

Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.

– Max Lucado

Wow, I kind of like that...what's Max saying here?

Let's look at this week's lesson!

I. THE SOURCE OF CONFLICT – JAMES 4:1-5

Proud or Humble

4 What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your evil desires. 4 Adulteresses! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world’s friend becomes God’s enemy. 5 Or do you think it’s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us yearns jealously?


James says that conflict is more about what’s in us than about what’s happening around us.



What does James say is the source of the conflict among these believers?

• James began chapter 4 with a question. Where do our conflicts come from?
• Conflicts and disputes among believers are always harmful. James explains that these quarrels result from evil desires battling within us – we want more possessions, more money, higher status, more recognition. When we want badly enough to fulfill these desires, we fight in order to do so. Instead of aggressively grabbing what we want, we should submit ourselves to God, ask God to help us get rid of our selfish desires, and trust Him to give us what we really need. The desire to please ourselves results in conflict and dissension with others.
• James mentions the most common problems in prayer: not asking, asking for the wrong things, asking for the wrong reasons. Do you talk to God at all? When you do, what do you talk about? Do you ask only to satisfy your desires? Do you seek God’s approval for what you already plan to do? Your prayers will become powerful when you allow God to change your desires so that they perfectly correspond to His will for you (1John 3:21, 22). God does not honor prayers that are prayed from a wrong or selfish motive.
• There is nothing wrong with wanting a pleasurable life. God gives us good gifts that He wants us to enjoy (1:17; Ephesians 4:7; 1Timothy 4:4-5). But having friendships with the world involves seeking pleasures at others expense or at the expense of obeying God. Pleasure that keeps us from pleasing God is sinful; pleasure from God’s rich bounty is good. Being the world’s friend means being God’s enemy. The Holy Spirit of God within us yearns that we be committed to Christ, not the world.

If you are going to stop a fight, the best way to do it is to stop it at its source. James noted three sources of conflict:

1. Self-Centeredness. The lusts and pleasures in verse 1 come from the Greek word from which we get our word “hedonism.” Our fleshly bodies long for pleasure – sexual or otherwise – and a life of ease. The pleasures of this world try to choke out God’s Word in your life (Luke 8:14). They act like soldiers waging war against our soul (1 Pet. 2:11). Self-centered desire for pleasure makes us demanding, unfaithful, greedy, possessive, murderous, covetous, and envious.
2. Prayerlessness. We fight because we don’t have, and we don’t have because we don’t ask. Too often, we are so busy fighting that we don’t have time to pray. Or we pray for the wrong things (v. 3). God is the giver of every good and perfect gift (Jas. 1:17). But we never know God’s provision because we don’t take time to pray. When we do pray, James says we don’t always get because we ask from a bad place. Actually from a cruel, evil, sick place. We give our wish list to God with one aim in mind: satisfaction of our own evil and selfish desires. James says that wastes (that’s what the word “spend” means in v. 3) God’s blessing.
3. Worldliness. Verses 4-5 refer to embracing the world’s values, living for the here and now, and seeking the world’s treasures, glory, and recognition. Seeking the things of the world brings us into conflict with God. When you long for the things of this world, you commit adultery against God. Believers are the bride of Christ, and to turn from Him is unfaithfulness. Seeking the world also shows hostility toward God; we act hatefully and in opposition to Him, similar to before we knew Jesus (Rom. 8:7, Col. 1:21). To make God your enemy literally means to stand against Him.

Motives for Prayer - Check them!

What cravings most often lead you into conflict?

How do my motives relate to conflict?




Sometimes our differences can take us to real places of pain.

Hidden Anger

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As we see in the video, people sometimes go through conflict because of hidden issues - ways they were raised, things they experienced growing up. James tells us next how we can overcome conflict.

II. OVERCOMING CONFLICT – JAMES 4:6-10

6 But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. 7 Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.




What helps you draw near to Christ and humble yourself before Him?

• The cure for evil desires is humility (see Proverbs 16:18-19; 1 Peter 5:5-6). Pride makes us self-centered and leads us to conclude that we deserve all we can see, touch, or imagine. It creates greedy appetites for far more than we need. We can be released from our self-centered desires by humbling ourselves before God, realizing that all we need is His approval. When the Holy Spirit fills us, we see that this world’s seductive attractions are only cheap substitutes for what God has to offer.
• Although God and the devil are at war, we don’t have to wait until the end to see who will win. God has already defeated Satan (Rev. 12:10-12), and when Christ returns, the devil and all he stands for will be eliminated forever (Rev. 20:10-15). Satan is here now, however, and he is trying to win us over to his evil cause. With the Holy Spirit’s power, we can resist the devil, and he will flee from us.
• How can you come near to God? James gives five ways: 1) Submit to God (4:7). Yield to His authority and will, commit your life to Him and His control, and be willing to follow Him. 2) Resist the devil (4:7). Don’t allow Satan to entice and tempt you. 3) Wash your hands…and purify your hearts (that is, lead a pure life) (4:8). Be cleansed from sin, replacing your desire to sin with your desire to experience God’s purity. 4) Grieve and mourn and wail in sincere sorrow for your sins (4:9). Don’t be afraid to express deep heartfelt sorrow for what you have done. 5) Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up (4:10; 1 Peter 5:6).
• Humbling ourselves means recognizing that our worth comes from God alone. To be humble involves working with His power according to His guidance, not with our own independent effort. Although we do not deserve God’s favor, He reaches out to us in love and gives us worth and dignity, despite our human shortcomings.
• Jesus summarized the law as love for God and neighbor (Matt. 22:37-40), and Paul said that love demonstrated toward a neighbor would fully satisfy the law (Rom. 13:6-10). When we fail to love, we are actually breaking God’s law. Examine your attitude and actions toward others. Do you build people up or tear them down? When you’re ready to criticize someone, remember God’s law of love and say something good instead. Saying something beneficial to others will cure you of finding fault and increase your ability to obey God’s law of love.
• It's not about you.

Points:

1. God’s grace helps us overcome our weaknesses and the attitudes that create conflict with others.
2. All other relationships in our lives will be positively affected by submitting ourselves to the Lord.
3. A truly repentant person will have a broken spirit before the Lord.
4. God accepts repentant persons, restores them to usefulness, and moves them to seek reconciliation with others.

“In every encounter we either give life or we drain it. There is no neutral exchange.”

-Brennan Manning

Prayer of Commitment

Dear Lord, I confess my selfish desires have caused conflict with others. With a humble spirit, I ask for Your grace that I may be in right relationship with You and reconciled to others . Amen.

Hope to see you this Sunday!

In His Love,

David & Susan