Question 1:
Whose marriage have you always admired?
THE BIBLE
MEETS LIFE
Two additional words can be used to describe a solid marriage.
- Discontinuity. When a man and woman get married, they break the ties with those who once constituted their dominant family prior to the wedding.
- Continuity. The couple continues a magnificent institution called family. It’s not the same as the one they are disconnecting from, but it continues the same principle of family.
God calls this union a covenant. Because the nature of a covenant is spiritually binding, honoring marriage is especially important. Unfortunately, our culture has been playing fast and loose with this covenant, and people are trying to redefine what marriage is and what that commitment entails. God made His standard clear in the Ten Commandments.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY
Exodus
20:14
14 “You
shall not commit adultery.”
The commandment against adultery in marriage is a critical one. We are to watch over our marriages—and the marriages of others—with all diligence. Adultery breaks trust and divides the oneness God desires us to have and has designed us to experience.
Question
2: How would you summarize our culture’s view of
adultery?
Within the
uniquely physical marriage union, God has given us chemical bonds of romance that
serve a greater purpose than mere pleasure. God has designed us in such a way that
these chemical bonds create and seal ties of commitment, attraction, and protection
based on various hormones.
Yet unfortunately when these experiences occur outside the union of marriage—such as in a romantic and/or physical affair (i.e., adultery)—they damage the marital attachments. Then the married couple is required to rebuild what it lost in order to restore relational harmony. Not only that, the affair creates new chemical bonds outside of the covenant of marriage. These new bonds leave lasting scars, cravings, and even symptoms of withdrawal for months or even years when ultimately broken.
Adultery—physical or emotional—does far more damage than simply breaking trust through betrayal in a marriage. It effectively transfers the marital bond in one partner to someone else. Measurable scientific data has shown us that the withdrawal effects from a temporary love interest are as severe, if not even more severe, as those from any drug.1
God told us something very similar in His Word. When Paul wrote, “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?” (1 Cor. 6:16), he used the Greek word kollaō, which literally means “to glue together, cement.” Sexual intimacy releases chemicals designed to bond; these brain-imprinting hormones essentially glue two individuals together.
The Bible tells us to guard our hearts because it is in the heart that sin first takes root. Jesus connected the command not to commit adultery with the heart. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28). Adultery is deeper than the physical act because it is rooted in a spiritual source. While the commandment focused on the act, Jesus zeroed in on the heart that motivated the act.
Question
3: What are the benefits for a society following
God’s standards for purity and faithfulness in marriage?
1 In the
spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s
men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah.
But David remained in Jerusalem. 2 One evening David got up from his bed and
walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The
woman was very beautiful, 3a And David sent someone to find out about her.
David’s life is a prime example of what happens when we don’t allow faithfulness and purity to guard our thoughts. Faithfulness and purity begins in our minds. As soon as David chose to send someone to inquire about the woman he saw bathing on the rooftop, he had already begun the process of pursuit. In that situation, guarding his mind would have meant turning away from what he saw at the moment he first saw her. Instead, David chose to pursue her, which led to devastation.
If we don’t guard ourselves, we share knowledge—intimate knowledge—about ourselves that only one person—our spouse—was meant to know. That knowledge is significant. The first mention of sexual intimacy is in Genesis 4:1: “Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain.” The original term translated “was intimate” is the Hebrew word yada, which refers to knowing or revealing something. While the word itself doesn’t refer to sexual intimacy, the context points to an intimate knowledge. It’s clear that sexual intimacy is about so much more than physical activity and pleasure. The word yada is the idea of plummeting into the reality of another person in order to know deeply and be deeply known.
HONORING MARRIAGE
From the following words relating to marriage, circle the three
you think are most important:
Companionship / Having Children / Sharing Resources
Sharing
Experiences / Sexual Intimacy
Having
Someone Love You / Communication / Growing Old Together
Write
a sentence containing one of your chosen words to express
how
believers might honor God in this way:
___________________________________________
Offer
a prayer of gratitude for God’s blessing of godly marriages.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a
person commits are outside the body, but whoever
sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
1 CORINTHIANS 6:18
The word is
also used in reference to knowing God. It captures the personal interaction we can
have with Him:
- “The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them” (Ps. 25:14, emphasis added).
- “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he” (Isa. 43:10, emphasis added).
- “I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord” (Isa, 45:3a, emphasis added).
God desires intimacy in our relationship with Him. Because marriage is a reflection of the union we are to have with Christ (Eph. 5:22-32), the same level of purity and faithfulness we show in our relationship with Christ is to be seen in one’s relationship to a spouse.
David understood such commitment: “I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. For you, God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name” (Ps. 61:4-5). Yet, as he stood on his roof and saw Bathsheba, he ceased to let that same faithfulness and purity guard his thoughts.
Question
4: What are some practical ways we can follow
God’s command to be faithful and pure?
2 Samuel
11:3b-5
It could be argued that David was not in love with Bathsheba; his was only a physical attraction. David had removed one of the main purposes and intentions of sexuality: the exclusive bonding that allows for knowing and being known.
Unfortunately, this can even happen within a marriage if the couple does not bond emotionally and spiritually through a loving, giving, and honoring relationship. We see this occur between Jacob and Leah, the wife he did not love (Gen. 30:16). The marriage between Jacob and Leah may have produced seven children, but it also produced pain.
When sex becomes nothing more than an activity to perform for its own end, it brings with it heartbreak, jealousy, regret, and a host of emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences. Guarding marriage from adultery starts by creating a true connection of love, honor, and romance between both spouses and cultivating the love-relationship. It’s only in guarding the hearts in the home that the home can be preserved. By failing to guard his heart or seek the best for Bathsheba, David invited great calamity into his family and hers.
Jesus understood the slippery slope of adultery as well as the deceptive nature of the human heart (Jer. 17:9). But when we honor the union between a husband and wife, we live lives that are pleasing to God and bring us the greatest satisfaction and joy.
Question
5: What are some ways our group can encourage and support
couples in their marriage relationship?
LIVE
IT OUT
How will you seek to
preserve and honor marriage, whether it is yours or the marriage of others?
Choose one of the following applications:
- Examine your heart. Honor for your marriage and for the relationships of others begins in the heart and mind. Turn from any involvement with lust, pornography, or inappropriate feelings toward others.
- Examine your actions. If you are guilty of the sin of adultery (either emotionally or physically) in the past or present, repent fully before God and turn your heart away from this sin and toward obedience to Christ. If you have not committed sin in this regard, thank God and ask Him to guide you in a life that continually honors marriage.
- Honor. Seek ways to honor marriage—both your own and the marriages of others. (This applies to all regardless of their marital status.) Identify specific things you can do this week to show honor to yourself, your spouse (if you are married), and God. Identify ways you can honor others for their faithfulness in marriage.
Our culture puts much emphasis on weddings, but more focus should be put on marriage itself. And of course, regardless of our marital status, our hearts must be pure.
Looking forward to seeing everyone this Sunday!
God Bless,
David & Susan
Teacher's Notes:
Honor Marriage – Keep
Sex Sacred
Some time ago I was watching some TV program where two young people were talking about whether to take their relationship to the next level. The young woman said, “We haven’t even had sex yet.” I just shook my head in disbelief. Has our society really come to this? It used to be understood that you didn’t have sex until you were married. Now it happens in the early stages of a relationship, as though it’s as casual as holding hands. God is not against sex. After all, He created it. It is the most beautiful and sacred relationship anyone can know in this life. In fact, it is so sacred that God set boundaries for it: one man and one woman within the bond of marriage. Anything else cheapens and degrades it.
What is wrong with sexual promiscuity?
Tony
Evans Statements:
- Sex has become the American
Drug of choice.
- Sex has become cheapened
today and has moved from fine dining to fast food – a stop and go experience –
you drive up get what you want and drive off. Sex was born in Hollywood rather
than heaven.
- The one who commits adultery
must be put to death – no casual command.
- Marriage represents the
boundary for sex. Sex is a fire the marriage God created is the fireplace. Sex
was never designed to simply be a mechanism for biological fulfillment. Sex was
designed to inaugurate a covenant and to renew it – baptism and communion
closest parallel.
- Girl who had her boyfriend
tattooed on her arm – then they broke up – she had it removed with great pain.
- Corinthian culture – temple
with restaurant and brothel – dinner and dessert.
- When the Christian has sex,
he/she take Christ with them. Pregnant woman takes the baby involuntarily into
a drug habit. Your body is not your own – you’ve been bought. Your body is the
temple of the Holy Spirit so when you have sex you enter into worship. To have
sex is to have church. Sexuality and sanctification go together – to be set a
part special to God.
- College – party with the
loose one and marry the virgin.
- The commandment is the
minimum – Jesus took it further in Matthew 5 with the attitude of the heart -
lust. Eskimos way of killing the wolves – knife covered in blood frozen in ice
– the wolf licks and licks and doesn’t realize that he’s bleeding to death. Stranded
in the ocean – don’t drink the salt water – kidneys can’t process the salt and
you die for lack of water in a sea of water. Like it or not God’s Word is clear
no sex outside of marriage.
- The good news is God
forgives – Jesus’ encounter with the woman caught in adultery. You go and sin
no more.
Many in our
society no longer value the traditional, biblical view of marriage as a
monogamous, lifelong covenant between a man and woman. They applaud the
redefining of marriage and call it “progressive” and “liberating.”
Exodus
20:14
14 “You
shall not commit adultery.”
I. It is deceptive. (1
Corinthians 6:12-13) A. What did Paul mean when he said, “All things are lawful
unto me”? 1. He was likely quoting a popular saying among the Corinthians. a.
They likely had heard him argue with the Jews about how Christ is the end of
the law. b. They took his words out of context and concluded that all moral
standards are unimportant. 2. Paul noted two problems with that way of
thinking. a. Not all things are “expedient”. That is, just because something is
lawful doesn’t mean it is a good idea. • Nothing in the Bible prohibits you
from playing in the middle of a busy street, but that doesn’t make it any less
foolish! b. Anything can be dangerous when it takes control of you. • Even
secular psychologists acknowledge the reality of sex addiction, and many others
believe pornography is addictive. B. “Meats for the belly, and the belly for
meats”. 1. Once again, Paul was probably quoting the Corinthians. a. They
reasoned that sex was a natural desire, just like food, so why should you deny
your body what it wants? b. “God shall destroy both it and them” – Greek
philosophy taught that the body was the prison house of the soul, so the whole
point of death was for the soul to be released from the body. 2. Paul noted a
few truths they had conveniently overlooked. a. Our physical desires have been
corrupted by sin. b. God raised Jesus from the dead, and He will someday raise
our bodies from the dead as well.
II. It is degrading. (1
Corinthians 6:14-17) A. If you are a believer, then your body belongs to
Christ. 1. Paul compared sexual immorality to prostitution. a. Corinth was home
to the temple of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of fertility. This temple
employed a thousand prostitutes, so the people of Corinth were familiar with
the practice. b. The Corinthian believers had renounced their paganism, but
some of them evidently saw nothing wrong with sexual promiscuity. 2. Sexual
immorality is a form of spiritual prostitution. a. “God forbid” – The literal
translation from the Greek is, “May it never be”, but it doesn’t quite pack the
punch that it does in Greek. That’s why the King James translates it, “God
forbid”. b. The idea of turning the church over to prostitutes was unthinkable,
but that was essentially what the Corinthians were doing. • Some people may
say, “Wait a minute! I may have a more casual attitude about sex than some
people, but that doesn’t make me a prostitute!” Doesn’t it? If you’re sleeping
around with different men, then the only difference between you and a
prostitute is the prostitute is getting paid! Let me hasten to add, if I may
use an old cliché, that it takes two to tango. It’s just as wrong for a man to
sleep around as it is for a woman. B. When you have sexual relations with
someone, you “become one” with that person. 1. The word “joined” speaks of a
sexual relationship, what the younger generation calls “hooking up”. a. In
Paul’s day, a marriage was not considered official until the couple had sexual
relations. b. This means there is no such thing as “casual sex” as far as God
is concerned. 2. As a believer, you are now “one with Christ”. a. It is a
spiritual union, not a physical union. b. When you go outside of God’s
boundaries for sex, you not only sin against yourself and your spouse, but also
against Christ. • I love what Adrian Rogers used to say about young people who
want to go “all the way”. He said, “You haven’t gone all the way until she gets
pregnant, and you have to decide what you’re going to do about it. You say, ‘We
won’t have the baby. We’ll get an abortion.’ No, if she’s pregnant, you already
have a baby. The question is whether you’ll let it live or die. Then when you
have to tell her parents, you’ve gone a little further down the way. Then if you
catch a disease, you’ve gone a little further. But you haven’t gone all the way
until you stand before the God who said, ‘Flee fornication’ and ‘Thou shalt not
commit adultery.’ Then, my friends, you’ve gone all the way!”
III. It is destructive. (1
Corinthians 6:18-20) A. Paul urged his readers to “Flee fornication”. 1. The
word translated “fornication” is the Greek word porneia, from which we get the
English word “pornography”. a. It can refer to any kind of sexual immorality:
fornication, adultery, homosexuality, pedophilia, bestiality, etc. b. Paul told
them to fight it, but to flee it. • Perhaps the best illustration of this is
when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce Joseph. Joseph tried to talk sense to her
at first, but when the chips were down, he let his feet do the talking! 2.
Sexual sins are some of the most destructive of all. a. “Every sin…is without
the body” – Opinions vary over the meaning of this phrase. I personally believe
Paul was quoting another one of their favorite sayings. They believed sexual
sins had no effect on a person’s body. b. Paul noted that anyone who commits
sexual immorality sins against his own body. • We hear it said that all sins
are the same. That’s not strictly true. All sin is abhorrent in the eyes of
God, but some sins are more destructive than others. Jesus equated hatred with
murder, but I’d still rather have someone hate me than kill me! B. Your body is
the temple of the Holy Spirit. 1. A temple was the dwelling place of God. a.
The Holy of Holies was the innermost part of the temple, where the Spirit of
God dwelt. b. The Jews were very protective of the temple in Jerusalem, and
they were especially protective of the Holy of Holies. 2. If you’re a believer,
God’s Holy Spirit dwells in you. a. Your body is not just a temple; it is the
Holy of Holies! b. Your body is “bought with a price”. Jesus paid for it with
His blood. • One of the popular slogans today is, “My body, my choice.” If you
are a Christian, you cannot make that argument. Your body belongs to God, so
you should use it in a way that glorifies Him.
Close with:
Examine your heart. Honor
for your marriage and for the relationships of others begins in the heart and
mind. Turn from any involvement with lust, pornography, or inappropriate
feelings toward others.
Examine your actions. If you
are guilty of the sin of adultery (either emotionally or physically) in the
past or present, repent fully before God and turn your heart away from this sin
and toward obedience to Christ.
Arguably, violation of
the seventh commandment generates the most emotion of any of the six commands that
deal with interpersonal relationships. Once it has been broken, the act can’t
be undone. But it can be forgiven.
HONORING MARRIAGE
From the following words relating to marriage, circle the three
you think are most important:
Companionship
Having
Children
Sharing
Resources
Sharing
Experiences
Sexual
Intimacy
Having
Someone Love You
Communication
Growing
Old Together
