Final Lesson 6: The Pitfall of Guilt and Grudges
Question 1:
When was the last time you were stuck literally or figuratively?
THE POINT
We can only move forward when we embrace God’s forgiveness.
THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE
I had told my wife many times that I was an outstanding driver in snow. Growing up in northern Illinois, I had learned to handle the slick roads. Yet, as we drove one of our sons to a party, she clearly doubted my skills. The powder was sticking to the windshield, and she asked me to please slow down. I rolled my eyes—and promptly lost control of the vehicle. Moments later, we were in a ditch, spinning the tires, and having a marital moment in front of the kids. We were stuck because I wouldn’t listen.
It’s one thing to be momentarily stuck in the snow, but many people live their lives stuck. It’s not the snow that causes the problem, but the unforgiveness that surrounds them. Nothing prevents a person from moving forward like the holding of grudges. In this final session, Joseph had seen the plan of God in the decisions of his brothers that caused so much pain in his life. Let’s take one more look at Joseph and see what he can teach us about looking at our own struggles in light of the grace of God.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?
Genesis 50:15-18
15 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” 16 So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: 17 ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept.18 His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said.
When Joseph’s brothers made the trip to Egypt to find food, and Joseph had revealed himself to them, the brothers had good reason to tremble. They were now in the hands of a powerful Egyptian leader, and their guilt was undeniable. They thought the brother they had wronged would exact harsh revenge and even the score. Instead, they found Joseph to be compassionate, even willing to forget their crimes of the past. Joseph didn’t want revenge; he wanted his family back. Consequently, the brothers fetched their father and families and lived in Egypt under Joseph’s protection for nearly twenty years.
All was going well until the day Jacob died. As expected, the family went through the initial stages of mourning and arrangements were made for burial in Canaan. But after the passing of their father, the brothers began to wonder if Joseph’s love would now turn to hate. Should they expect cruel treatment for the past that still haunted them?
Question 2:
When have you been thankful someone didn’t hold a grudge?
The brothers had reason to feel paranoid. What they had done to Joseph all those years ago was deplorable. They had left him for dead and then sold him into slavery. But in Joseph’s mind, their fears were unfounded. Still, they sent a message to Joseph, explaining that before he died, their father had requested, “I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.” We don’t know if Jacob actually said that, but the brothers used it to regain their brother’s good graces. True to his past, Joseph was full of grace toward them. He had truly buried the past.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could all put the past behind us? So much of our pain in the present relates to old wounds that have never been allowed to heal. By the grace of God and with His help, we can let go of the grudges that weigh us down.
Matthew 6:15 is a difficult verse. Jesus did not sugarcoat the call for us to forgive: “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” To be a Christ-follower is to mimic His way with sinners. Just as the Lord forgives, so should we. The cross canceled all grasping of grudges. Following Jesus means trusting God with all our hurts and believing that, even as He loves and forgives us, He empowers us to do the same.
While Joseph’s brothers thought they had reason to fear their brother’s delayed response, their hearts were overflowing with gratitude when they realized his anger was truly gone. Joseph had no plans to repay them. His only plans were to care for them. Their guilt was not caused by their brother’s grudge, and it was time to move ahead.
Genesis 50:19-20
19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Verses 19-20 form the great crescendo of this grand story. Joseph’s story, which comprises the largest portion of the Book of Genesis, now comes to this climactic finale. Coming together is the sovereignty of God and the humility of human beings.
Notice the question Joseph asked his brothers: “Am I in the place of God?” We should often ask ourselves that same question! In our sinful nature, we make frequent attempts to sit on the throne and call the shots, even though Scriptures continually remind us of God’s sovereign lordship.
Engage
SCENES OF FORGIVENESS
Choose one of the following scenes of forgiveness that reminds you of an occurrence in your own life.
Then offer a prayer of thanks for God’s forgiveness and a prayer for help in forgiving others.
My Prayer:
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”
What made Joseph an exceptional person was his view of God that affected the way he saw himself. It wasn’t as simple as “his brothers did him wrong.” Far more was involved in the story. God intended to use the pain of Joseph’s past for a much higher purpose in the future. What others meant for evil, God intended for good. This is the mindset of the mature believer who can look back on the pain of life and see the good that God brought from it all.
What brought Joseph to the healthy place we find in Genesis 50 was his hope in the Ultimate Planner. “God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Even though we live in the mystery of an unknown future, we can rest in the truth that it is not a mystery to God. He alone knows the end from the beginning.
The world lives with all sorts of anxieties about health, finances, family, jobs, you name it. If we fail to trust God, such worries will consume us too. In those moments, we should remind ourselves that the Lord is in control, He sees our situations, and He has a plan for our future. Only by resting in His care can we live a more joyful, carefree life.
Question 3:
When have you seen God bring good out of a bad situation?
Genesis 50:21
21 “So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.
It is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). That was not a new idea when Paul was inspired to write it down. All through the Bible, God’s great love for His people was on display. From Genesis to Revelation, the most attractive quality of God is His love for the broken.
Joseph’s brothers had lived broken, messy lives, and Joseph sought to bring healing and clean up matters between them by demonstrating love and compassion to them. It was his undeserved affection that altered the course of their lives. Trembling in fear, they heard Joseph say: “So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.”
Question 4:
How can our group help us become people of forgiveness?
While Christians would heartily agree that the grace of God saved them, many of us still tend to gravitate toward a life driven by works. “You don’t read your Bible enough.” “You don’t pray enough.” “You don’t give enough.” “You don’t serve enough.” Legalism causes people to feel perpetually inadequate, and they wallow in guilt and shame over their deficiencies. This is not the message of the gospel at all. Jesus said, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36).
Just as we are saved by God’s grace, we are also daily sustained by God’s grace. Catch that connection in Paul’s word: “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him” (Col. 2:6). It’s grace all the way! Joseph’s words in verse 21 reflect God’s infinitely greater love and concern for us. Don’t be afraid. The God who saves us also will take care of us. As we rise from our beds each morning, we should feel greeted by the God of grace who gives us another day to live in His love.
We see this in Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). This parable captures our attention and our hearts because the love and forgiveness of the father is jaw-dropping. After the younger son took his father’s money and ruined the family name, he returned home. Fully expecting to be treated as a servant at best, he was embraced by his father, who rejoiced that his son had come home. “Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found” (vv. 23b-24a).
The greatest need of the human heart is to feel the full pardon of the Father, to know that we are accepted no matter what we have done. He looks for us. He finds us. He runs to us. He throws His arms around us. He kisses us. He rejoices. When we come to Him, He responds to us even as Joseph did with his brothers: “Don’t be afraid. I will take care of you.”
Question 5:
What are some principles you’ve learned from Joseph’s life?
LIVE IT OUT
We can only move forward when we embrace God’s forgiveness. Choose one of the following applications:
- Stay humble. God is stronger than you know. You are weaker than you know. Embracing your small part in His grand story is not only the biblical thing to do, but the healthy way to live. He’s in control so you can stop trying to be. Make a list of ways you have tried to be in control.
- Stop the hate. The price we pay for holding others to their past is steep. In the end, we punish ourselves for the actions of others. This is not the grace of God at work in us. Make a list of those for whom you hold a grudge and make it a prayer list.
- Seek grace. We don’t mean to do it, but we forget that we are forgiven. Because of Him, we do measure up. Make a list of reasons you have to celebrate God’s grace. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Display grace to another person by performing a loving act on his or her behalf.
We’re all living out a story, and between the two covers are moments of crushing loss and of great victory. This is what makes the story of Joseph so practical and powerful. Let’s remember the lessons God has taught us through the life of Joseph!
Teacher Notes:
Our lesson says this morning that when it comes to Guilt & Grudges:
We
can only move forward when we embrace God’s forgiveness.
It's All About Forgiveness
What
makes long-carried guilt or a grudge so dangerous?
Guilt strikes us all.
It is a powerful emotion that can affect us
in many ways, including insomnia, a loss of appetite, and a loss of energy.
Some psychologists encourage those dealing with strong feelings of guilt to get
help from professionals. Seek
forgiveness for that which makes you feel guilty and seek forgiveness of
others we have harmed or offended, but even more so, we need to seek forgiveness from God.
In
this final lesson, Joseph had seen the plan of God in the decisions of his
brothers that caused so much pain in his life. Let’s take one more look at
Joseph and see what he can teach us about looking at our own struggles considering
the grace of God.
The
Setting: Life in Egypt went smoothly for the clan of Jacob/Israel
until he died. At that point, the brothers who had betrayed Joseph so many
years before feared for their safety. The guilt of their past actions against their brother
surfaced once again. What
if Joseph secretly held a grudge against them but had hidden it for their
father’s sake? Now that Dad was dead, would Joseph exact revenge?
Joseph, on the other hand, had come to see and understand that God had been at
work even through the evil his brothers had done. Joseph had learned that God
had produced good from it all. He and his brothers could have been consumed by
guilt and grudges. They were not because the spirit of forgiveness prevailed.
Genesis
50:15-21
15
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if
Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to
him?”
16 So
they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before
he died: 17 ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your
brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now
please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their
message came to him, Joseph wept.18 His brothers then came and threw themselves
down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. 19 But Joseph said to them,
“Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?
20 You
intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now
being done, the saving of many lives.” 21 “So then, don’t be afraid. I will
provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to
them.
What did the brothers fear from Joseph following their father’s death?
· Joseph’s
revenge
· Fear
often accompanies guilt over having wronged another.
1. Your guilt
doesn’t always mean that someone else still holds a grudge. (Embrace
what is, not what if.)
We
often fail to embrace people’s forgiveness because we can’t forgive ourselves.
We believe that our past transgressions are so vile, that not only can’t we
forgive ourselves, but we believe that no one could truly forgive us,
especially the person we’ve so terribly wronged.
But
when the person(s) we’ve wronged consistently demonstrates an attitude and
actions of forgiveness, our failure to accept their forgiveness is not based on
evidence, but on emotions. That’s false guilt. False guilt is the evidence of
being forgiven, but still feeling guilty and living like we’re guilty. The
“what if” was their feelings. The “what is” is that Joseph had forgiven them. Live
in the facts of being forgiven, not in the emotions of feeling guilty.
Thoughts…
16 So
they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before
he died: 17 ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your
brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now
please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their
message came to him, Joseph wept.18 His brothers then came and threw themselves
down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. 19 But Joseph said to them,
“Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?
Do you
think it is harder to ask for, give, or receive forgiveness?
What made
Joseph weep again upon hearing the message asking for forgiveness?
· Sincere
confession and granting forgiveness can be an emotional moment. Perhaps Joseph
wept because he sensed the
deep guilt his brothers carried over their offenses of the past. He hurt
because he knew they were hurting. Maybe because they didn’t understand that Joseph had put their hurtful
actions in the past. Or maybe his weeping was tears of joy in knowing that a family that had been so
fragmented had been made whole again.
How
can a grudge become a pitfall in our life?
- Wouldn’t it be great if we could all put the past behind us? So much of our pain in the present relates to old wounds that have never been allowed to heal. By the grace of God and with His help, we can let go of the grudges that weigh us down.
2. Express
your feelings. (vv. 16-19)
When
we express feelings of guilt to the person we’ve previously sinned against, if
that person has truly forgiven us, we can experience his or her reassurance that
we’ve been forgiven, which helps us to overcome false guilt.
Even
if the people we’ve sinned against fail to forgive us, when we acknowledge our
sin before God, we have the assurance that God’s forgives our guilt. David
said, “When I kept silent, my bones became brittle from my groaning all day
long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was drained as
in the summer’s heat. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not conceal my
iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,’ and you forgave
the guilt of my sin” (Psalm 32:3-5).
We
no longer have to live with false guilt because God has forgiven us.
20 You
intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now
being done, the saving of many lives.” 21 “So then, don’t be afraid. I will
provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to
them.
Why do
we often have a hard time handing control over to God?
- The
world lives with all sorts of anxieties about health, finances, family, jobs,
you name it. If we fail to trust God, such worries will consume us too. In
those moments, we should remind ourselves that the Lord is in control, He sees
our situations, and He has a plan for our future. Only by resting in His care
can we live a more joyful, carefree life.
3. Focus
on God’s Providence
Joseph
let his brothers know that he did not hold a grudge against them because he understood that everything
that happened to him was allowed by God. First John 4:18 says, “There is
no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves
punishment.” Joseph not only didn’t hold a grudge; but expressed his love for
his brothers by imploring them: 1) not to be afraid; 2) by promising to take
care of their children; and 3) by comforting them and speaking kindly to them. Joseph
is not in the place of God (v. 19). But he certainly expresses the forgiveness
of God. When we truly embrace forgiveness, it sets us free from fear and false
guilt, and allows us to enjoy the promises of care, comfort, and kindness. “For
freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don’t submit again to a yoke
of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). We no longer have to be enslaved to the false guilt of
past transgressions.
- When
we are wronged, our response is to forgive; judgment, if necessary, belongs to God.
- God
works in ways beyond what we see now to accomplish His divine purpose. God’s
work is intended to bring life in its fullness.
Always Remember God Is at Work
Anyone
who is familiar with the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis remembers the
climatic way Joseph himself wrapped up the whole story:
“You
planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present
result —the survival of many people” (Gen. 50: 20).
Don’t
you love that? Every time I read through the life of Joseph—his dreams, the
hateful attitude and actions of his brothers, the slavery, the imprisonment,
his role of leadership in Egypt—that phrase runs through my head. “God
planned it for good.”
However,
I doubt that phrase was running through Joseph’s mind as he was sold and
shackled to the wagon of Midianite traders. I doubt he uttered that phrase to
himself as he was unjustly accused and thrown into prison. And I doubt that,
when he helped a cupbearer who promised to speak up for him, he spent the next
two forgotten years repeating the phrase to himself every morning. It was only in hindsight
that Joseph could see that God indeed was working His plan—a plan for good.
Have
you heard utter the phrase, “I’m
glad I went through that—but I don’t want to go through it again!”?
It’s
when we’re in the middle of the medical problems, financial crisis, stressful
demands, unfair treatment, or anything that tries to keep us up at night that
it’s difficult to say, “I’m glad I’m going through this, because God has
planned this for my good.” That’s why hindsight is a powerful gift that we need
to regularly practice. In those moments when I question what God is up to, I
have learned to reflect on how He has worked in my life in the past. I remember
how He got me through the last crisis—and the one before that—oh, and the one
before that. He was there then—even when I didn’t see His hand—and He is with
me even now.
Joseph’s
climatic statement in Genesis 50:20 has been called the Old Testament version
of Romans 8:28: “We know that all things work together for the good of those
who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”
You may be in a Genesis 37 moment in your life, but if you lean on God even when you don’t understand, you will come to a Genesis 50 moment when you can declare: “God planned it for good.”
With
each succeeding year of my life, I find it increasingly easier to sing along
with David, “I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the
righteous abandoned” (Ps. 37:25). God has been faithful to me in the past. He
has worked in every situation I have been in, so I choose to trust Him with
today.
