Class Lesson October 20, 2013

Hey Gang,




We began a new series last week entitled "When Relationships Collide." This series is all about how we as Christians should act in the midst of conflicts. Because - we all face conflict. Some are quick and over in a moment. Others can last a lifetime. Because conflict in one form or another is inevitable in our relationships, we need to deal with it in an appropriate, biblical, Christ-honoring way.

Here are our lessons in this series:

1. Even Christians Collide (Mary & Martha) Luke 10:38-42
2. It’s Not About Me (David & Saul) 1 Samuel 24:1-15
3. Stand Down (Abraham & Lot) Genesis 13:1-18
4. Stand Your Ground (Paul & Peter) Galatians 2:1-14
5. Step In (Abigail – David & Nabal) 1 Samuel 25:14-17, 23-28, 32-35
6. The Big Picture (Joseph & His Brothers) Genesis 37:5-8, 26-28; 50:15-21

At the heart of so much conflict is the desire to get what I want or to have things my way.

 After All...

 Right?

 

The Point

Conflict can arise when I’m thinking only of myself.

1 Samuel 24:1-15

(David Spares Saul’s Life)

I. JEALOUS PURSUIT – 1 SAMUEL 24:1-2

24 When Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, “David is in the wilderness near En-gedi.” 2 So Saul took 3,000 of Israel’s choice men and went to look for David and his men in front of the Rocks of the Wild Goats.



Why were King Saul and 3,000 men in pursuit of David? What was the conflict between them?

• Put this verse into context by understanding that, to Saul, life was all about himself. He was the king of Israel and had decided that David, the future king, was his enemy. Nothing in the Bible indicates David pursued Saul or sought to overthrow him in any way.
• King Saul stood head and shoulders above others physically (1 Sam. 9:2). However, he did not measure up spiritually. He disobeyed God on several occasions (13:7-13; 15:1-35). Therefore, God anointed David as the next king while Saul was still alive. David returned to tending sheep rather than occupying the palace. While David patiently awaited God’s timing to take over as king, he killed Goliath, played music for King Saul, and made friends with Saul’s son Jonathon. Saul went into a rage over the acclaim David received. Saul hunted David, trying to eliminate him. Prior to 1 Samuel 24, Saul had responded to another outbreak of Philistine aggression (23:26-29). Then, his attention returned to eliminating David. David’s God-centered rather than self-centered outlook helped diffuse the conflict with Saul for a time.
• King Saul finished pursuing the Philistines. His associates reminded him David was in the desert near En-gedi. Saul did everything in his power to try to eliminate his competition to the throne. Such self-centered actions were common. By eliminating competition, Saul hoped to secure his place as king. However, Israel already had moved outside the flow of God’s ultimate will by even asking for a king (8:1-22). Saul operated on the assumption he was the most important person in the kingdom. Saul chose 3,000 of Israel’s choice men to make the journey to look for David. What could cause a man to have such jealousy and lack of focus about ruling the kingdom? Certainly Saul was obsessed with keeping his kingdom, even though Samuel had told him he would no longer keep it (15:28). Saul was wrapped up in himself. A self-centered worldview can blind us from more important matters in our lives, including the truth.
• Saul’s jealousy of David stemmed from earlier events. David had met the giant Goliath’s challenge to a winner-take-all, one-on-one battle (1 Sam. 17-18). It should have been Saul’s responsibility to face the giant. Later when the troops returned from battle, the women from the city came singing and dancing in celebration of David. Saul’s jealousy watched David from that day forward. Saul’s jealousy opened the door to a demonic spirit and he flew into a rage. He attempted to pin David against a wall with a spear twice but David escaped. The reason for Saul’s jealousy was “Saul was afraid of David” (18:12). Since his own attempts to kill David failed, he attempted to engage David in battle with the Philistines, hoping they might kill him (15-25).

What do you do if the person in conflict with you is the one that’s jealous of you?

• Jealousy can cause a person to lose perspective and develop misguided priorities.
• Jealousy among siblings, spouses, parent/child, co-workers.

Can jealousy be a good thing?

Two types of jealousy - Jealousy can be either healthy or unhealthy. Healthy jealousy is a means to guard your territory and comes from a sincere care and commitment to a relationship. On the other hand, unhealthy jealousy manifests itself through lies, threats, self-pity, and feelings of inadequacy, inferiority and insecurity.

1. The good kind - Healthy jealousy guards the heart of a marriage because it:

• shows your commitment to the relationship
• protects your marriage by safeguarding the relationship against evil attacks
• deepens your openness with each other and makes you accountable through honest communication
• helps you confront major threats to your marriage and head them off before they become major problems

God calls you to respect your spouse’s jealousy that is a warning of danger ahead. If your spouse is a secure person and desires to protect your marriage against cracks, you need to listen. Confront the issue head-on by finding the reason for the jealousy, then making changes to keep you both out of danger.

• Wives: Trust your husband’s instincts. He knows how men think, what they want and how they pursue it. So, it would be foolish of you not to heed his warning.
• Men: Trust your wife’s instincts. If she suggests that another woman is behaving inappropriately, your wife is probably right. Most women have radar, an innate alertness to nonverbal communication and an ability to translate body language and tone into emotional facts. Your wife probably is able to see these things clearly, so don’t criticize or blame her warnings on insecurity.

2. The bad - Unhealthy jealousy is altogether different. It stems from comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate, unimportant, inferior and pitiful. Some spouses have experienced a lot of loss in life – whether divorce, death or abandonment in childhood – and they may bring unresolved issues into the relationship in the form of jealousy. Yet when a person carries this jealousy to pathological extremes, it will dominate a relationship. A chronically jealous spouse will try to control a relationship through exaggeration, self-pity, lies, threats and/or manipulation. When the other partner resists, the jealous person reacts by becoming even more controlling. Then the other partner resists further by confiding in a friend or seeking relief outside the marriage. Sometimes this can become a downward spiral.

Here are just some of the effects of unhealthy jealousy:

• You doubt your spouse’s honesty and wrongfully accuse him or her, pushing your spouse away.
• You feel worthless and unimportant.
• You become frustrated and overwhelmed.
• You have a desire to control.
• You have less sexual intimacy with your spouse.

When jealousy becomes unhealthy it is destructive and frustrating to contend with. Love is not jealous and possessive. True love enables you to aim for what is best for the other person – not what is best for you. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)



So how do you deal with unhealthy jealousy in your marriage? Here are some tips for both spouses – whether you have or are a jealous spouse.

If you have a jealous spouse:

• Assess whether you are doing something that is provoking the jealousy.
• Stop that activity or involvement for a time to show your spouse that you’re committed to your marriage relationship.
• Be demonstrative in love toward your spouse.
• Talk openly with your spouse about the problem. Get his or her take on it (the feelings may be legitimate), and work together to find a solution.

If you are the jealous spouse:

• Listen to a few trusted friends. Your jealousy may be your own problem, not your spouse’s.
• Be honest with yourself. Ask what is causing the feelings. Are you trying to manipulate?
• Spend time with God.
• Think about your spouse more positively. Jealous people use their anxious thoughts and suspicions as cues to misread anything that their spouses do. Instead, take a deep breath and pray – for yourself and for your spouse.
• Express your feelings to your spouse. Own up to your jealousy. Be honest without being blaming or manipulative.

What are some signs that someone’s behavior is out of line?

• A selfish obsession can lead to unreasonable actions.

 

 

 

 

II. FIRM REFUSAL – 1 SAMUEL 24:3-7

3 When Saul came to the sheep pens along the road, a cave was there, and he went in to relieve himself. David and his men were staying in the back of the cave, 4 so they said to him, “Look, this is the day the Lord told you about: ‘I will hand your enemy over to you so you can do to him whatever you desire.’” Then David got up and secretly cut off the corner of Saul’s robe. 5 Afterward, David’s conscience bothered him because he had cut off the corner of Saul’s robe. 6 He said to his men, “I swear before the Lord: I would never do such a thing to my lord, the Lord’s anointed. I will never lift my hand against him, since he is the Lord’s anointed.” 7 With these words David persuaded his men, and he did not let them rise up against Saul. Then Saul left the cave and went on his way.





Have you ever had opportunities that seemed so incredibly obvious, that you thought God must have given them to you?

• (v. 4) Scripture does not record that God made any such statement to David or his men. The men were probably offering their interpretation of some previous event such as David’s anointing (16:13) or Jonathan’s prediction that David would become king (23:17). When David’s men saw Saul entering their cave, they wrongly assumed that this was an indication from God that they should act.

Why did David think his action was inappropriate and forbid his men to move against Saul?

• The means we use to accomplish a goal are just as important as the goal we are trying to accomplish. David’s goal was to become king, so his men urged him to kill Saul when he had the chance. David’s refusal was not an example of cowardice but of courage – the courage to stand against the group and do what he knew was right. Don’t compromise your moral standards by giving in to group pressure or taking the easy way out.
• (vv. 5,6) David had great respect for Saul, in spite of the fact that Saul was trying to kill him. Although Saul was sinning and rebelling against God, David still respected the position he held as God’s anointed king. David knew he would one day be king, and he also knew it was not right to strike down the man God had placed on the throne. If he assassinated Saul, he would be setting a precedent for his own opponents to remove him some day.
• Romans 13:1-7 teaches that God has placed the government and its leaders in power. We may not know why, but like David, we are to respect the positions and roles of those to whom God has given authority. There is one exception, however. Because God is our highest authority, we should not allow a leader to pressure us to violate God’s law.

What tempts people to take matters into their own hands?

• We need to ascertain that what we consider to be God’s direction or His providence truly is.
• We need to stand firm for what we believe to be right in God’s sight and firmly refuse the urging of others to do otherwise.

Is there a time in which you should strike back at someone who falsely accuses you or seeks to inflict pain on you?

• Rather than retaliate against false accusations or opponents, we should leave the matter in the Lord’s hands.
• David refused to kill Saul because he had a bigger concern than merely his own kingdom. David’s lack of selfishness revealed itself in his conscience, which bothered him because he had cut off the corner of Saul’s robe. His guilty conscience reveals part of what made David a man after God’s heart (Acts 13:22). His sensitivity to God’s heart revealed itself in how he treated others. Jesus later said the whole law could be summed up in loving God and loving people (Matt. 22:37-39).
• At the root of most conflict is self-centeredness. Rarely does our world see a leader as selfless as David in this instance. God had already revealed David would be the next king, but rather than trying to speed the process along, he respected his predecessor’s authority, even when Saul did not offer the same courtesy to David. Selflessness might not always help us avoid conflict, but it certainly gives us a more noble purpose when we practice it. David took the high road with Saul, and for the time being it diffused some of the conflict. 

 

 

 

 

III. GODLY TRUST – 1 SAMUEL 24:8-15

8 After that, David got up, went out of the cave, and called to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed to the ground in homage. 9 David said to Saul, “Why do you listen to the words of people who say, ‘Look, David intends to harm you’? 10 You can see with your own eyes that the Lord handed you over to me today in the cave. Someone advised me to kill you, but I took pity on you and said: I won’t lift my hand against my lord, since he is the Lord’s anointed. 11 See, my father! Look at the corner of your robe in my hand, for I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. Look and recognize that there is no evil or rebellion in me. I haven’t sinned against you even though you are hunting me down to take my life. 12 “May the Lord judge between you and me, and may the Lord take vengeance on you for me, but my hand will never be against you. 13 As the old proverb says, ‘Wickedness comes from wicked people.’ My hand will never be against you. 14 Who has the king of Israel come after? What are you chasing after? A dead dog? A flea? 15 May the Lord be judge and decide between you and me. May He take notice and plead my case and deliver me from you.”


What does David show us about compassion? What did David trust the Lord to do?

• People of God are to be marked by a spirit of compassion, not a spirit of vengeance.
• Judgment and vengeance on the wicked belong to the Lord.
• Vindication and deliverance come from the Lord to those who trust in Him. 

Live It Out: Much of our culture urges us to do the things that please us. It is called watching out after number 1, with number 1 being self. As we have seen in this session, Saul took that position. His interest only in himself led him to attempt to destroy anyone, in this case David, whom he thought stood in his way. David, on the other hand, modeled for us the behavior to be demonstrated by those who stand in right relationship with the Lord. Rather than retaliate against false accusers or opponents, they leave the matter in the Lord’s hands.


The higher we elevate our own needs and desires ahead of others, the more we feed conflict. We get defensive and angry when things don’t go our way. Instead, let’s elevate God’s agenda.

1. Don’t make the issue about yourself. Work to see the other person’s viewpoint.
2. Admit when you’ve been self-centered. Acknowledge to the other person where you have erred in the conflict.
3. Support the other person. Even if you have the right stance in the conflict, find a way to tangibly encourage the other person.

Whether it’s roommates, spouses, or the person sitting next to you, see how far you can go to make it not about yourself. Make it about God. 

Prayer of Commitment

Lord, my tendency is to strike back when falsely accused by others. Grant me humility and strengthen my faith to believe that Your judgment in all matters is true and Your deliverance sure. Amen.

Hope to see you on Sunday!

In His Love,

David & Susan

Class Lesson October 13, 2013

Hey Gang,

We begin a new series this week entitled "When Relationships Collide." This series is all about thriving in the midst of conflicts. We all face conflict. Some conflict is quick and over in a moment. Other conflicts can last a lifetime. Just because two people disagree or have different ideas doesn’t necessarily mean the conflict is detrimental. What we typically think of as conflict (when it becomes a problem) arises out of our attitude or response to the situation. Because conflict in one form or another is inevitable in our relationships, we need to deal with it in appropriate, biblical, Christ-honoring ways.

Here are our lessons in this series:

1. Even Christians Collide (Mary & Martha) Luke 10:38-42 
2. It’s Not About Me (David & Saul) 1 Samuel 24:1-15 
3. Stand Down (Abraham & Lot) Genesis 13:1-18 
4. Stand Your Ground (Paul & Peter) Galatians 2:1-14 
5. Step In (Abigail – David & Nabal) 1 Samuel 25:14-17, 23-28, 32-35 
6. The Big Picture (Joseph & His Brothers) Genesis 37:5-8, 26-28; 50:15-21

What is the silliest argument you’ve ever been a part of?

Click Here to Watch

The Bible Meets Life

Some of the biggest fights I have witnessed have been over trivial things in a church:

• Paint color
• Carpet or tile
• Order of service
• Whether to buy toilet paper in bulk or as needed

In every situation, Christians were doing the arguing. Most of the time there are two legitimate sides to the discussion, but those involved feel that only their opinion is valid enough to defend.


If we step back, in each of the examples above, we can see they are trivial in light of the eternal issues the church faces. None of us wants to admit that we get upset about trivial things because they don’t seem trivial to us. But conflict can arise because of different priorities. The story of Mary and Martha is an example of this.


The question in today’s lesson is not “Who’s right and who’s wrong?” but “What should be our focus and priority at the moment?”

Here’s the Setting

As Jesus journeyed toward Jerusalem (Luke 9:51), He stopped at the home of Mary and Martha. While Jesus taught in their home, Martha focused on the duties of a hospitable host, but Mary focused on listening to Jesus teach. Both women were doing good things, but at the moment, only one was necessary: to listen to Jesus teach. Here a situation arose that allowed Jesus to teach a valuable lesson about priorities. 

The Point

Conflict can arise because of different priorities.

I. MARTHA AND MARY – LUKE 10:38-42

38 While they were traveling, He entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what He said. 40 But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t You care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.” 41 The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”





Which sister do you most relate to and why?



What was spiritual about Martha’s actions?

• Martha welcomed Jesus into her home. Hospitality was an important part of a woman’s responsibility in the first-century culture. Her responsibilities would have included preparing the room and preparing the meal for her guests. Martha busily prepared for Jesus’ coming and all the things He would need while there, while her sister Mary … sat at the Lord’s feet. Martha prioritized the preparations for Jesus’ stay in their home. Jesus did not blame Martha for being concerned about household chores. He was only asking her to set priorities. It is possible for service to Christ to degenerate into mere busywork that is no longer full of devotion to God.

What was spiritual about Mary’s actions?

• Mary sat at Jesus’ feet, soaking in the teaching He provided. Mary prioritized the time with Jesus.

How can our responsibilities be a source of conflict?

• Martha was correct that someone had to attend to the details of Jesus’ stay, but would it have been better for both of them to miss His teaching? Martha was distracted, she was being dragged around by the many details of hospitality, pulled away from greater priorities.
• Busy work is not the same as prioritized work. Things that pull us away from our top priority, Jesus Christ, must be identified and corrected. Martha came to Jesus in front of everyone asking if He didn’t care that she was left to serve alone. Questioning Mary’s priorities was bad. Questioning Jesus’ heart was the worst result of her mistaken priorities. Martha’s priorities created conflict with both her sister and her Lord.
• If mistaken priorities can create conflict in our relationships with others and with Jesus, then clarifying His priorities in our lives should be the utmost importance. Martha’s direct anger was against Mary. However, Martha shifted her frustration to Jesus, demanding that He tell Mary to help. Not only had Martha prioritized tasks above her relationship with her sister, but she also prioritized tasks over her relationship with Jesus.
• Our best intentioned service can become a distraction if our attitudes are not right.
• Discipleship includes learning of and from Jesus.
• Mary and Martha both loved Jesus. On this occasion they were both serving Him. But Martha thought Mary’s style of serving was inferior to hers. She didn’t realize that in her desire to serve, she was actually neglecting her guest.
• Are you so busy doing things for Jesus that you’re not spending any time with Him? Don’t let your service become self-serving.

When was a time you had to choose between studying the Bible and work that needed to be done?

• Every day we make choices based on what takes precedence at the moment. In the work of making decisions, it isn’t always about right and wrong as much as it is about good and better.

What must you consider when you are deciding between good, better, and best?

• Conflict between believers can be settled when both parties come together in Jesus’ presence.
• What we learn of and from Jesus cannot be taken from us.

Live It Out

The comparison of good with better in this story does not represent choosing between having Christ and not having Christ. This is a story about the need for Christian discipleship, not an evangelistic appeal to be saved. It is a story about devotion to Christ and choosing how to express commitment to Jesus. A person, as Martha, can choose to do a right thing but in the wrong spirit at the wrong time. Moreover, a person may determine that the way he or she chooses to show devotion to the Lord is the only way, leading to a judgmental attitude and contentious spirit toward another believer. 

Prayer of Commitment

Dear Father, forgive me for creating conflict with another brother or sister by thinking that what I want is most important, even more important than sitting together at Jesus’ feet. Amen. 



A Big Thanks to Mark Krohl for opening our new series on When Relationships Collide.

In His Love,

David & Susan