Question 1: What’s your favorite memory with one of your parents?
THE BIBLE
MEETS LIFE
Obviously, I knew my name; he didn’t need to remind me. But he was reminding me my name represented something bigger than just me. Our family’s name stood for honesty, integrity, morality, and dignity in the community. In short, it represented a commitment to Christian living, and my dad didn’t want me to do anything to jeopardize the testimony of that name.
That
reminder always stayed in my mind as I made youthful choices. I sought to honor
my dad and the value he taught me to put in our name. I wanted to honor the
name he had given to me.
WHAT DOES
THE BIBLE SAY?
Exodus
20:12
12 “Honor
your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your
God is giving you.
What is
“honor”? The Greek word for honor means “to value highly, to hold in highest regard.”
This holds true at any age. There may be disagreement regarding the age when children
are no longer required to obey their parents, but children never reach an age when
they don’t owe their parents honor.
God made it
unequivocally clear that honor and respect are critical elements in every home.
God is serious about honoring parents because God understands the whole
picture. He knows it is not simply about having a good day or a peaceful home;
honor is tied to advancing His kingdom on earth.
These days
it seems customary to blame your problems and the way you behave on your parents.
It reminds me of the two brothers who went through a counseling session together.
They had grown up in a home with an alcoholic father. One of the brothers had also
become an alcoholic, but the other drank no alcohol at all. When asked to
explain their behavior, they said in unison, “Well, what else could you expect
with a father like mine?”
Both men
told the truth: One followed in his father’s destructive footsteps, even though
he probably had professed he never would do so, but the other stuck to his
resolve not to end up like their dad. The story is a reminder that parents
sometimes get blamed for far too much—and receive praise for far too little.
Question
2: What are some ways we show honor to our
parents?
So how can we show
honor? Let me suggest three categories of honor:
1. Emotional Honor. We honor our parents by spending time with them. Some parents are in retirement homes and care centers and are lacking honor from their grown children. Someone may say, “But you don’t know about my mother. She was a terrible mother,” or “My father was bad news.” No matter what, he or she is still your parent, and the command to honor our parents comes from God Himself.
2. Verbal Honor. When I went home, I didn’t say to my father, “Hey, Art. How’s it going?” It was “Yes, sir” and “No, sir.” Whether a parent is right or wrong, we are still to speak with respect. As Paul told Timothy, “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father” (1 Tim. 5:1). We are also to speak about our parents with honor.
3. Financial Honor. In 1
Timothy 5:8, Paul wrote, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and
especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever.” Then in verse 16, Paul wrote: “If any woman who is a believer has
widows in her care, she should continue to help them and not let the church be
burdened with them.” Honoring our parents means we have a financial
responsibility for them when they can no longer take care of themselves. It means
seeing to their well-being when they need our assistance.
2 Samuel
15:7-12
7 At the end of four years, Absalom said to the king, “Let me go to Hebron and fulfill a vow I made to the Lord. 8 While your servant was living at Geshur in Aram, I made this vow: ‘If the Lord takes me back to Jerusalem, I will worship the Lord in Hebron.’” 9 The king said to him, “Go in peace.” So he went to Hebron. 10 Then Absalom sent secret messengers throughout the tribes of Israel to say, “As soon as you hear the sound of the trumpets, then say, ‘Absalom is king in Hebron.’” 11 Two hundred men from Jerusalem had accompanied Absalom. They had been invited as guests and went quite innocently, knowing nothing about the matter. 12 While Absalom was offering sacrifices, he also sent for Ahithophel the Gilonite, David’s counselor, to come from Giloh, his hometown. And so the conspiracy gained strength, and Absalom’s following kept on increasing.
PARENTS’ DAY
Every day ought to be Parents’ Day as we honor God by honoring our
mothers and fathers.
In the space below, compose a brief greeting card for this
occasion.
“Honor your father and mother” — which is the
first commandment with a promise.”
EPHESIANS 6:2
Question
3: What are ways our culture shows dishonor to parents?
To further understand what it means to honor parents, we’re going to look at a particularly tragic narrative in Scripture. We will examine the life and character of David’s son Absalom because he serves as an example of what not to do.
Absalom was David’s
third son. He was born to David through his fourth wife, Maacah of Geshur (2
Sam. 3:3). This marriage most likely was rooted in the pursuit of political
gain rather than attraction or love. After all, Maacah was the daughter of King
Talmai, ruler of a small Aramean city-state. In fact, almost all of David’s
marriages were created for the sake of political dominance. No doubt this
created an atmosphere of jealousy and infighting among his family members.
David was far from a perfect husband. Nor was he an upstanding father. David’s sins and imperfections, however, did not excuse Absalom’s behavior. Absalom was still responsible for honoring David as both his father and king. Instead, Absalom sought to honor himself at the expense of his father.
After returning from his exile after killing his half-brother Amnon, Absalom sought to take the place of his father as king of Israel. He was popular and well liked, but with deceptive words and a total lack of integrity, Absalom attempted to win the hearts and loyalty of the people.
We see here that
Absalom dishonored his father with a lie: he told his father he was going to
Hebron to worship. Indeed, Absalom did go through the motions of worship by offering
sacrifices, but his true intent was to be in a safe place where he could spread
the message that he had become king.
We can’t honor our parents when there’s a lack of integrity in how we talk to them or about them. Absalom provided an example, showing us the consequences when we fail to show honor. Absalom’s dishonoring actions brought great adversity home to the nation of Israel—and death to himself.
2 Samuel
15:13-14
13 A
messenger came and told David, “The hearts of the people of Israel are with Absalom.”
14 Then David said to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “Come!
We must flee, or none of us will escape from Absalom. We must leave immediately,
or he will move quickly to overtake us and bring ruin on us and put the city to the sword.”
David knew the depth of
Absalom’s dishonor. He knew Absalom would not spare him simply because he was
his father. Absalom had no concern for his father’s welfare, only his own.
Absalom’s dishonor of
his father, David, cost him his life. His rebellious pursuit to dethrone his
father left him dead. Joab, “took three javelins in his hand and plunged them
into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree. And ten of
Joab’s armorbearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him” (2 Sam.
18:14-15).
Absalom was fully responsible for his rebellion. Even so, David, by his own integrity, could have encouraged Absalom to honor his father and king. Dishonor has a way of recycling itself throughout our relationships, which is why it is so critical for us to display integrity in all aspects of our lives. Yet, when we sin, we must seek God and His mercy.
Question
4: How did your desire to honor your parents
impact your decisions?
What if our own parents were hard to honor? If they left us with a legacy of destruction in our own hearts either through rebellion, bitterness, or any number of things, we must seek to return to the spirit of the Scripture in which God has called us to honor them. One way we help our children to honor us is by honoring them. We do that by admitting to them when we fail and seeking to correct the situation. Confession, honesty, and integrity on our part encourages a lifestyle of honor.
Question
5: Whom do you know that models the parent-child
relationship in a way that honors God?
LIVE IT
OUT
How will you actively seek to be a person who honors parents? Choose one of the following applications:
- Repent. We have all failed in one way or another when it comes to showing
our parents honor or living honorably so that our children will honor us.
Confess and repent of any sins of dishonor you have had or any ways you have made
it difficult for your children to honor you.
- Model. Determine to be a model of truthfulness and integrity in front of
all people: your children, your grandchildren, and the children of others.
- Act. Carry out a tangible act of honor. Do something to help and support
your parents. Write a letter. Even if your parents are no longer living, you
can show them honor by how you talk about them. If this is you, share with someone
the role your parents played in your life and how God used them to shape you
into who you are today.
No matter
what family history you have been given, I urge you to choose the path of love,
respect, and honor from this day forward.
Hope to see you this Sabbath!!
God Bless!!
David & Susan
Juan sent me a great article that I want to post first before my notes:
10 Ways to Honor Your Mom and Dad | All Pro Dad
Honor your father and mother has been a commandment that has been around with us for a long, long time. But do we continue to do that even though we are an adult? And can you set an example for your children now about how you would like to be treated when you and they are older? The answer is a resounding “Yes!” to both questions. Here are 10 ways to honor mom and dad:
1. Make your mom and dad look good.
Simply be a good man. People will make the connection. What more could parents ask for?
2. Let them know you understand what they have done for you.
Play this one by ear, because some parents have a hard time with sentimentality. But a note here, a word of thanks dropped carefully there, a card, a phone call, a hug. Just make sure they get the information. “Dad… hey… I’m not sure I ever told you how much I appreciated your encouragement when I was struggling in middle school.” “Mom… listen… You may not realize it, but I know that you pray for me every day. I wanted to say thanks…”
3. Listen to their stories.
A) You might learn something B) The act of listening is going to affirm and encourage your parents C) You have provided the gift of presence.
4. Tell them your stories.
A surprising number of people with adult children don’t know much about what’s going on in their children’s lives. Get on the phone, take them out to dinner, visit for morning coffee on the way to work. Whatever it takes, stay connected.
5. Be excited about their lives.
Who cares if you don’t get the finer nuances of shuffleboard. So what if your dad’s work as an elementary school tutor fails to excite you. Do you really think they always looked forward to listening to you back in middle school band? Get on board and show some enthusiasm – about whatever it is they’re up to.
6. Strengthen your marriage.
No matter how things worked out for your parents, their hopes and dreams for you still boil down pretty much to one thing – they want to see you happy in a marriage that works. We’ve all heard the one about “Stay together for the kids…” but how about “Make this marriage strong because it will honor our parents”?
7. Love their grandchildren.
Okay, so maybe mom and dad’s real #1 desire is to see their grandkids happy! So honor your parents by loving your kids with the kind of love that doesn’t let go, never gives up, always teaches and directs and – makes their grandparents’ hearts sing.
8. Don’t expect them to bail you out.
If your parents are at all careful about money, then you already know it bothers them to no end to see unrestrained spending and mounting debt. So handle it already. And work hard to avoid dishonoring them by looking for a bailout. Like it or not, your debt reflects negatively on them.
9. Pick up the tab once in a while.
You may not get to keep it. But, believe us when we say this, it means the world to mom and dad when you at least try.
10. Try not to run roughshod over their values.
This is a work in progress – as are we all. Kids grow up to know their own minds about politics, acceptable language, where they stand on drinking, smoking, movie ratings standards, personal choices – all sorts of things that may have shifted since they left home. It’s Okay to disagree with Mom and Dad on a variety of issues – that’s not the point. The point is to honor our parents along the way. And that can mean (sometimes) leaving your cigarettes in the drawer, serving soft drinks when they come to visit, and simply backing out the fight you know you’re going to get into over health care reform – because you never will see eye to eye on that one.
Honor Parents
Question 1: What’s your favorite memory with one of your parents?
·
Maybe something funny that you
say…that was him / her!
The Setting: Exodus
20:12 is the first of the six commandments that deal with interpersonal relationships. The setting is the home.
It addresses the way children are to relate to their parents. However, the
command is not directed just to young children but to adult children as well.
Children of all ages have a God-given responsibility to show respect and honor
to their parents.
The verses from 2
Samuel 15 are a brief segment of the larger story (Chaps. 13–18) of the
dramatic and traumatic rift between David and his son Absalom. The incident in this
session serves as a negative illustration of the fifth commandment. The story
is not about a son who honored his father, but one who so dishonored him that
he was consumed with destroying him. It is the story of pain that might have
been avoided if the son and the father could have mended the breach in their
relationship. It is a story that illustrates how a
father’s own failures can contribute to a son’s rebellion. Finally, it
is a tragic tale of what happens when a son is so filled with anger and hate
that he refuses to give honor to his father, deserving or not.
The first 4 commandments deal with our relationship with God.
- Don’t have any old kind of God I am unique, don’t come to Me any old kind of way, maintain My reputation – don’t take My name in vain, remember the sabbath day to keep it Holy – that is to put aside a day from the rhythm of life for Me. After describing the first 4 commandments that establish our vertical relationship, the fifth commandment launches into our horizontal relationships. This was not a mistake – there were 2 tablets the first held the first 4 commandments having to do with our relationship with God and the other 6 commandments were on the other tablet dealt with our relationship with others. You see when our relationship with God is correct then our relationship with others will be correct. So if there are problems in the last 6 there are problems in the first 4. The first thing God goes to is the family.
This
commandment is unique because it is the only commandment with a promise – God
establishes the importance of the family - today we are seeking to redefine the
family – mother and mother, father and father, mother alone, father alone not
mother and father.
Society is
not only attacking the family but it is creating a generation of rebels. A
generation of children that are rebellious and they are taking it to the
streets. Hip Hop for the majority teaches a rebellious attitude.
This
commandment is designed to establish the family as the foundation. Plato – the
saga of a nation is the saga of the family. Honor thy father and thy mother so
that your days may be long in the land – The purpose of this commandment was to
hold the nation together – the nation would be held together by a mother and
father teaching their children at home to honor their parents. All human
relationships are based on what a child learns at home. – wife beater, lazy,
respect,
Satan hates your family – he went after Adam and Eve because he hates the family.
Parents are children’s escort through life for roughly 18 years.
Parents
represent God’s chain of command – God has an order – when you go around God’s
order you bring damage to yourself – if you disrespect a police you bring
damage to yourself – if you disrespect a judge there is contempt of court – now
listen to this: the government is not responsible for raising your children,
the church is not supposed to raise your children, the television, your auntie…
How
children respond to God’s chain of command – God’s order - is how God will
respond to you. How serious is this? Deuteronomy 21:18 if any man has a
stubborn and rebellious son…verse 19 his mother and father will seize him …
then all the men of the city will stone him to death. When we were kids and
went to school it was yes sir, Mr. Jones – yes mam – Ms. Kelly – today kids use
the “B” word – rebellious disrespect – would have lasted long in the old
testament. This is not a casual commandment!
To Honor:
do not treat your parents lightly – you don’t blow them off – “don’t play with
me.” Respect or to make a great deal about them. Jesus had to learned to obey
his parents – think about that. You should honor your parents because they begot
you!
Joke: Child riding his bike around the block – running away from home –
won’t cross the street because momma said not to cross the street.
Honor your
parents whether you’re 25 or 60 years old. They are still your father and
mother. Honor them Verbally: Proverbs 30:11 – When was the last time you
blessed your parents. When was the last time you thanked your parents? Honor
them Financially – 1 Timothy 5:4-16 if they need help, you should help them.
Exodus
20:12
“Honor your
father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God
is giving you.
Honor the
parents God has placed in your life.
·
Honoring one’s parents is not an
assignment only to young children and teens; it is a responsibility even after
we become independent adults.
·
The way to teach children parental
respect is to model parental respect before them.
·
Younger generations need to seek
out the wisdom the elderly have gained from their life experiences.
What is
“honor”? The Greek word for honor means “to value highly, to hold in highest regard.”
This holds true at any age. There may be disagreement regarding the age when children
are no longer required to obey their parents, but children never reach an age when
they don’t owe their parents honor.
- These days it seems customary to
blame your problems and the way you behave on your parents. It reminds me of
the two brothers who went through a counseling session together. They had grown
up in a home with an alcoholic father. One of the brothers had also become an
alcoholic, but the other drank no alcohol at all. When asked to explain their behavior,
they said in unison, “Well, what else could you expect with a father like
mine?”
- Both men told the truth: One
followed in his father’s destructive footsteps, even though he probably had
professed he never would do so, but the other stuck to his resolve not to end
up like their dad. The story is a reminder that parents sometimes get blamed
for far too much—and receive praise for far too little.
Question
2: What are some ways we show honor to our parents?
1. Emotional Honor. We honor our parents by spending time with them. Some parents are in retirement homes and care centers and are lacking honor from their grown children. Someone may say, “But you don’t know about my mother. She was a terrible mother,” or “My father was bad news.” No matter what, he or she is still your parent, and the command to honor our parents comes from God Himself.
2. Verbal Honor. When I went home, I didn’t say to my father, “Hey, Art. How’s it going?” It was “Yes, sir” and “No, sir.” Whether a parent is right or wrong, we are still to speak with respect. As Paul told Timothy, “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father” (1 Tim. 5:1). We are also to speak about our parents with honor.
3. Financial Honor. In 1 Timothy 5:8, Paul wrote, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Then in verse 16, Paul wrote: “If any woman who is a believer has widows in her care, she should continue to help them and not let the church be burdened with them.” Honoring our parents means we have a financial responsibility for them when they can no longer take care of themselves. It means seeing to their well-being when they need our assistance.
2 Samuel
15:7-12
At the end
of four years, Absalom said to the king, “Let me go to Hebron and fulfill a vow
I made to the Lord. While your servant was living at Geshur in Aram, I made
this vow: ‘If the Lord takes me back to Jerusalem, I will worship the Lord in
Hebron.’” The king said to him, “Go in peace.” So he went to Hebron. Then Absalom
sent secret messengers throughout the tribes of Israel to say, “As soon as you
hear the sound of the trumpets, then say, ‘Absalom is king in Hebron.’” Two hundred
men from Jerusalem had accompanied Absalom. They had been invited as guests and
went quite innocently, knowing nothing about the matter. While Absalom was offering sacrifices, he
also sent for Ahithophel the Gilonite, David’s counselor, to come from Giloh,
his hometown. And so the conspiracy gained strength, and Absalom’s following kept on increasing.
2 Samuel 15:13-14
A messenger
came and told David, “The hearts of the people of
Israel are with Absalom.” Then David said
to all his officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “Come! We must flee, or
none of us will escape from Absalom. We must leave immediately, or he will move
quickly to overtake us and bring ruin on us and put the city to the sword.”
Absalom’s dishonor of his father, David, cost him his life. His rebellious pursuit to dethrone his father left him dead. Joab, “took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree. And ten of Joab’s armorbearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him” (2 Sam. 18:14-15).
Absalom was fully
responsible for his rebellion. Even so, David, by his own integrity, could have
encouraged Absalom to honor his father and king. Dishonor has a way of recycling
itself throughout our relationships, which is why it is so critical for us to
display integrity in all aspects of our lives. Yet, when we sin, we must seek
God and His mercy.
Such a positive command: Honor thy father and thy mother. Seems natural, but as Absalom illustrates—and many other situations since—it is not always so. Parents and children sometimes develop serious breaches in their relationships. They separate from each other, stay isolated from one another, and refuse to talk to each other.
Some children may
believe they do not have any reason to show any honor to an abusive parent who
made their lives miserable or even placed them in danger. I will only point out
that the commandment of God calls for children to honor
their parents. It doesn’t say children are to honor the best parents,
the deserving parents, or parents without flaws. No conditions are attached.
Honor does not have to mean embrace them, condone them, or place yourself in danger.
But at least for the believer, it does mean ask God to give you wisdom and
grace to show respect and not to wish harm.
Another Commentary:
The fifth commandment
deals with the family. The family was the first institution created
by God and is the most basic unit of society. Civilizations rise and fall with
the family. Faith in God rises and falls with the family, and therefore the
family is under constant spiritual attack. It is not surprising, then, that two
of the Ten Commandments deal with family.
·
The 5th commandment deals with the parent-child
relationship, and
·
the 7th commandment deals with marriage and
sexuality.
The 5th commandment
reflects principles of almost every culture.
·
It is a universally recognized principle that
children should honor and respect their parents. The parent gave the child
life; therefore, the child owes everything he has to the parent. This is
naturally recognized. It is built into the fabric of life. Ancient Greece, the
Orient, Africa, South America – wherever you go children are expected to honor
their parents. The ancient Greek playwright Aeschylus wrote: “Reverence for
parents stands written among the three laws of most revered righteousness.”
And so, it is
disturbing to recognize that two of the distinguishing marks of our own culture
with regard to the parent-child relationship are:
1) an increasing loss
of authority for the parent, and
2) an increasing
disrespect of parents from their children.
We see loss of
authority for the parent in many ways – absentee parents, the abdication of
authority promoted by permissive parenting styles, even government interference
with some aspects of the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child.
The loss of respect for parents is tied to this loss of authority. It is also reflected and reinforced by the media, which targets young people for advertising now more than their parents.
The Bible tells us that disobedience to parents will be one of the signs of the end times:
- 2 Timothy 3:1-2: “But mark this: There will be
terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of
money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents . . .”
The family is in deep
trouble today, and we need more than ever to study God’s word for solutions.
And one of the solutions is found right here in the fifth commandment.
I. Obligations of the
fifth commandment (Exodus 20:12)
Let’s look first of all at the obligations of the fifth commandment.
A. Children Should Honor Their Parents
The first obligation is that children should honor their parents. So how do you do that? How do you honor your father and mother?
1) You respect their position over you as parents. Leviticus 19:3 says, “Each of you must respect his mother and father.” You should show respect with your words, with your body gestures and with your attitude, not only when you are in their presence, but also when you are not.
2) You honor your father and mother by loving and valuing their person. The word honor means “to esteem and value as precious.” Honor goes beyond simple respect for position and extends to the heart. Proverbs 23:26 says, “My son, give me your heart.” And Proverbs 31:28 speaks of children rising in the morning and calling their mother blessed. The very last words of the Old Testament speak of turning “the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” (Malachi 4:5-6)
This distinction between respecting the position and loving the person is especially important when you are dealing with a parent who acts in less than respectful ways, for example, an alcoholic or abusive parent. You may not be able to respect the person in such cases, but you can still respect their position as parent and love their person regardless of their faults. Of course, you will need the Holy Spirit’s help to love and forgive those who have hurt you.
3) You honor your parents is by submitting to their authority. We read in the gospel of Luke that twelve-year-old Jesus went down to Nazareth with his parents and “was obedient to them.” (Luke 2:51) Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
4) You honor your parents is by accepting their discipline and instruction. The book of Proverbs says, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” (Proverbs 1:8-9)
B. Parents should help their children observe this command
So that is the first obligation of this command: children should honor their parents. But there is a second obligation, and this one falls squarely on the shoulders of the parents, not the child. Parents have an obligation to help their children observe this command.
When people rebel against authority, sometimes the person in authority must share the blame with those who are rebelling. For example, let me share with you the tale of two teachers. This is a real-life example, by the way. Two teachers have the exact same group of kids in their classrooms. The kids are rowdy and unmanageable in one classroom, but they are quiet and respectful in the other. Now the kids are still wrong to be rowdy and disrespectful in the first classroom, but obviously the teacher has something to do with it as well.
The reason I know about this example is because I was the two teachers! The first classroom was me in my first year of teaching, and the second classroom was me in my second year of teaching – same group of kids, but a whole different atmosphere. What was the difference? The first year I didn’t know what I was doing! The second year I had learned a lot more about classroom management. You might want to call it progress, but I prefer to call it survival.
Listen, you can’t change your ancestors, but you can do something about your descendants! So how can we as parents help our children to observe the fifth commandment?
1) Instruct them in God’s ways. Deuteronomy 6:7 says to take God’s commandments and “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” This is one of your primary responsibilities as a parent. Of course, that means you must be learning God’s ways yourself in order to teach them. There are so many resources to help you with this today, and if you are not sure how to get started, please talk to me, and I will be glad to help you with this.
2) Discipline your children. The book of Proverbs is full of good counsel on this. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15) “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother . . . Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” (Proverbs 29:15,17)
3) Provide for your children’s needs. The apostle Paul says in a different context that “children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.” (2 Corinthians 12:14) The context is different but the principle is the same. It is the parents’ responsibility to provide for their children’s needs. By this, I mean their physical, spiritual and emotional needs. Sometimes, not always, a child is misbehaving because his needs are not being met in a certain area. We need to make sure we are not contributing to the problem by not meeting a child’s needs.
4) Do not exasperate your children. That’s what Ephesians 6:4 says: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” The word translated “exasperate” means to frustrate them or provoke them to anger. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” The word translated “discouraged” there means “to lose heart, to be broken in spirit.”
Parents, you need to be careful how you treat your children. You are the primary motivator in their lives, and you can help them fly or you can take the wind right out of their sails. Do not frustrate them; do not provoke them to anger or make them bitter.
C. Reasons why you
should honor your parents
You might wonder, “Why is this command so important? Why should I honor my parents?”
1)
It is right.
That’s what Ephesians 6 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for
this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1) Proverbs 23:22 says, “Listen to your father,
who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” We owe our
parents our life and our gratitude. Parents sacrifice so much for their
children, but we never really understand how much until we become parents
ourselves. I used to hate it when the pastor said that when I was a kid. Now I
really like it! But seriously, kids, your parents make so many sacrifices for
you in so many areas. Do you have any idea how expensive you are? I heard
someone say, “We don’t raise kids anymore – we finance them!” Children, honor
your parents because it is right.
2) It pleases God. Colossians 3 says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20) Notice you are to obey your parents not just because it pleases them, but because it pleases God. That puts honoring your parents on a spiritual level.
3) It teaches you respect for authority. Romans 13 says this: “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” (Romans 13:1-2) Did you get that? The authorities that exist have been established by God. When you rebel against your parents, you are really rebelling against authority, and you are rebelling against God as the ultimate authority. Honoring your parents will help teach you respect for authority.
4) It places you under
God’s protection. Proverbs 6 says this: “My son, keep your father’s
commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them upon your heart
forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when
you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.”
(Proverbs 6:20-23)
5)
It brings peace and joy
to your parents. In Proverbs 27:11 Solomon says, “Be wise, my son, and
bring joy to my heart; then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt.”
6)
It helps you grow in
wisdom. Listen to Proverbs 4:1-4: “Listen, my sons, to a father’s
instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning,
so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father’s house, still
tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, ‘Lay hold of my
words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.’”
II. Violations of the
fifth commandment
A. Ways of dishonoring your parents
So far this morning we have talked about what it means to fulfill this command. Now I want to take just a bit of time to look at the various the ways the Bible says that we break this command.
1) We dishonor our parents when we disobey them. Disobedience to parents was taken very seriously under the Old Testament law. We read in the book of Deuteronomy: “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.” (Deuteronomy 21:18-21) Now obviously the death penalty for disobedience to parents no longer applies today. And yet disobedience is still one of the primary ways we dishonor our parents and break the fifth commandment.
2) We dishonor our parents when we curse them. Exodus 21:17 also laid out the harshest of penalties: “Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.” Have you ever cursed your mother or father? It is dishonoring to your parents and a violation of the fifth commandment.
3) We dishonor our parents when we strike them. Exodus 21:15: “Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death.” Once again, even though the death penalty for this would no longer apply today, striking your parents is still a serious way of dishonoring them. I hope you never have and never will strike your own parents.
4) When we steal from them. Proverbs 19:26 – “He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace.” Proverbs 28:24 – “He who robs his father or mother and says, ‘It’s not wrong’ – he is partner to him who destroys.” Stealing from your parents breaks both the eighth commandment and the fifth commandment.
5) When we neglect our elderly parents. When we grow to be adults, our relationship with our parent’s changes. We are no longer under their direct authority as when we were children. But we must still honor them. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees of his day for neglecting their parents. Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,’ he is not to ‘honor his father’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.” (Matthew 15:3-6)
In ancient Greece you
could lose your rights as a citizen if you did not support your parents in
their old age. Neglecting their care included failure to provide for physical
needs as well as failure to provide for adequate burial when they died.
There is an old Grimm’s
Fairy Tale about a family with two children and an elderly grandfather. The
grandfather could no longer eat neatly at the table. At first the parents
rebuked him; then they made him sit in the corner; eventually they took away
his knife, fork and spoon and placed food in a trough where he would eat with
his fingers. One day the parents saw their children playing outside. They had
some wood, a saw, a hammer and nails. “What are you building?” they asked.
Their children replied: “A trough for you when you get old!” Are you taking
care of your elderly parents? What goes around comes around. What are you
teaching your children right now about caring for the elderly?
B. Consequences for the
home
The fifth commandment is critically important for the proper functioning of the home. There are consequences for the home when we obey the fifth commandment, and consequences for the home when we disobey.
1) For the parents, it is a matter of joy or grief. Proverbs 10:1 – “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother.” Proverbs 15:20 – “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother.”
2) For
the child, it is a matter of life or death. Proverbs 4:4 – “He [my father]
taught me and said, ‘Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands
and you will live.’” Proverbs 30:17 makes the point in a particularly gruesome
way: “The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be
pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.”
3) For
the household, it is a matter of harmony or strife. Proverbs 17:1-2 highlights
the importance of harmony in the home: “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet
than a house full of feasting, with strife.” (Proverbs 17:1) Unfortunately, too
many homes are filled with unnecessary conflict and strife simply because
parents and children do not follow the fifth commandment. Micah 7:6 describes
an extreme example of what many people face today in their homes: “For a son
dishonors his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law
against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies are the members of his own
household.” (Micah 7:6)
God meant for the home
to be a place of peace and refuge from the attacks of the world outside, but
for many people today the home has become a daily battleground and combat zone
instead. What a shame. If you are experiencing strife at home, bring that strife
to God, and ask Him to help change the atmosphere in your home.
III. Promises attached
to the fifth commandment
God has attached great and precious promises to the fifth commandment. There are two of them.
1)
Live long, and
2)
live well.
Exodus 20:12 -“Honor
your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD
your God is giving you.” Deuteronomy 5:16 – “Honor your father and your mother,
as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it
may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Ephesians
6:1-2 – “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a
promise – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the
earth.” (Ephesians 6:2-3)
Simply put, life goes
better for those who honor their parents. They avoid many of the dangers that
can cut life short or cut off the enjoyment of life, and thus as a rule, they
live longer and better. It is the way God designed it to be.
CONCLUSION: In conclusion,
remember that we cannot keep any of the Ten Commandments in our own strength.
We need God’s help to keep His commandments, and we need God’s forgiveness for
where we have failed. Praise God that He has made both help and forgiveness
available to us through His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ fulfilled all of
God’s commandments perfectly for us, and then He died on the cross for our
sins. All we need to do is turn from our sin and put our faith and trust in Him.
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