Class Lesson April 24, 2016

REDEEMED FROM BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

SESSION 2

THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE

Even the best relationships involve conflict.

The first thing I did when I got engaged was call my parents and grandparents to tell them the good news. My straight-shooting, comedian grandfather remarked, “Well, that’s pretty good, I guess. I just have one question. Do you like this girl?” 

The question caught me off guard. Why else would I have asked her to be my wife? “I love her with all my heart,” I said. He replied, “I didn’t ask if you loved her. I asked if you liked her. You’re going to be married to her for the rest of your life, and you’re probably going to disagree, argue, and fight a lot, so you better really like this girl as a person and friend.”

He knew a truth about all relationships: conflict happens. Relationships often go off track when people insist on having their way. Jacob and Esau are prime examples, but they also show us the key to repairing broken relationships.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Genesis 27:41; 33:1-11

41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart: “The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”

...............................

1 Now Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming toward him with 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female slaves. 2 He put the female slaves and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept. 5 When Esau looked up and saw the women and children, he asked, “Who are these with you?” He answered, “The children God has graciously given your servant.” 6 Then the female slaves and their children approached him and bowed down. 7 Leah and her children also approached and bowed down, and then Joseph and Rachel approached and bowed down. 8 So Esau said, “What do you mean by this whole procession I met?” “To find favor with you, my lord,” he answered. 9 “I have enough, my brother,” Esau replied. “Keep what you have.” 10 But Jacob said, “No, please! If I have found favor with you, take this gift from my hand. For indeed, I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God’s face, since you have accepted me. 11 Please take my present that was brought to you, because God has been gracious to me and I have everything I need.” So Jacob urged him until he accepted.

 
GENESIS 27:41
Jacob and Esau were twins. Esau was born first, but Jacob was just barely behind. In fact, Scripture tells us that Jacob was grabbing Esau’s heel while they were born. From the moment of their birth, fighting for a position had already begun.

Their parents, Isaac and Rebekah, did not help the situation because they had favorites. Isaac favored Esau, and Rebekah favored Jacob. Rebekah even helped Jacob steal Esau's firstborn blessing from his father (27:1-40). This added insult to injury because Jacob had already convinced his brother to exchange his birthright for a bowl of stew (25:27-34).

That was the final straw for Esau. He decided in his heart to kill his brother after the proper time had passed. 

Have you ever been let down? Experienced searing anger? Been mad enough to consider physically hurting the person who hurt you? If so, you can relate to Esau’s anger toward Jacob. Esau felt his anger was justified, and you may believe your anger is justified too. When we feel violated or betrayed, consuming anger often leads to thoughts of revenge, and a relationship that once was a blessing can become broken.

How could Jacob and Esau both rationalize their actions by the world's standards?

Jacob:

Esau:

Why is holding a
grudge so much
easier than
resolving conflict?

 

GENESIS 33:1-4
Twenty years later, God changed Jacob’s heart. Some would say getting older makes one mature, but age had nothing to do with Jacob's change of heart. Maturity isn’t accumulating years; it's accepting personal responsibility. We reach maturity when we choose to own up to our mistakes and move forward in repentance and restoration.

We never hear Jacob explicitly confess that he had done wrong, but we do see him willingly go before a small army and bow seven times, which, at that time, was how one would approach a king. Jacob clearly showed an attitude of humility and service. He knew God was with him and blessed him, yet he embraced the position of lowliness. Jacob even called himself a servant (33:5).

Humility is a cure for the sickness of a broken relationship. Until we give up our pride, apologize, and make the first move toward reconciliation, brokenness will remain in our relationships. Anger and anxiety will continue to grow, the mental video of the offense will be on repeat, and bitterness will deeply root itself in our hearts. Yet, the simple act of Christlike humility can turn the tide and begin the restoration process.

It took humility on Jacob’s part to open the door back into a relationship with his brother. But, a little humility goes a long way. Imagine Jacob’s surprised when his brother’s ran toward him to hug and kiss him. 

What relationships or situations in your life would change if you showed humility first? 

List three.

1. ____________________

2. ____________________

3. ____________________

What obstacles
keep you from
demonstrating humility? 

GENESIS 33:5-11
 

Jacob was a changed man. His encounters with God gave him a spirit of humility, which was a total contrast to how he once was. God changed His heart.God worked in Esau’s life too. 

Their culture would easily accept that Esau had every right to be angry, unforgiving, and vengeful. However, Esau’s actions showed that he felt just the opposite.

• Running was undignified, but Esau ran to meet Jacob.
• Esau hugged and kissed Jacob, showing his acceptance.
• Jacob call Esau his lord, but Esau called Jacob his brother.
• Esau accepted Jacob’s gifts—not to settle a debt, but to show full acceptance.

The brothers reconciled because Jacob humbled himself and Esau forgave. Either one could have kept the wall up.

It’s our job to knock down the walls we've built in our relationships. Whether we are right or wrong, we can construct walls of defensiveness, walls to attack from, or walls that protect us from future hurt.

Breaking down these walls is simple, but not easy.

• When you’re wrong, ask forgiveness. If needed, seek to make restitution.
• When you’re wronged, forgive—whether they apologize or not.

Jesus, our ultimate example, came to earth to reconcile us to God and restore our right standing with Him.

By Christ’s power and through His Spirit, we are able to repent. We are freed from shame. We can apologize in humility. We can move toward reconciliation. Exercise humility and take the first step. Trust God with the rest. 

What happens when we avoid
damaged relationships rather
than seeking restoration? 

APPLY IT

How will you obey God’s call to show humility in your relationships?

Christ: We cannot produce humility on our own. Simply changing outward actions may fool others for a time, but eventually, who we are in our heart will find it’s way out.

Community: If someone has hurt you, forgive them. Forgiving someone isn’t saying what he or she did is OK; it is refusing to hold that offense against them any longer. Write out Ephesians 4:32, and keep it somewhere you will see it often so that you will constantly be reminded about the mind of Christ.

Culture: There is nothing more counter cultural than showing grace to someone who doesn't deserve it. Remember: without grace, there is not forgiveness, and true forgiveness requires humility. Make a point each day this week to evaluate the situations in your life and ask the question, “How would humility change this situation?” 

CHECK YOURSELF

Matthew 18:21-35

 
When relationships are broken and people are hurt, we do our best to pass the blame. In Matthew 18, Peter begins this passage by asking Jesus what the limit on a person’s forgiveness should be. Peter is focusing on the two people involved—not on God’s role in forgiveness. Jesus responds to Peter’s questions with a story that calls believers to forgive unconditionally, because God has forgiven us unconditionally. True forgiveness does not justify a person’s sinful acts; it takes the sins of others off of our shoulders and lets it rest with the grace Christ provided on the cross. 

• What is the most difficult thing for you to forgive? Why?

• What is the most difficult thing for you to believe God has truly forgiven in your life? Why?

• Who do you need to forgive or ask forgiveness from this week? 

_______________________________

_______________________________

_______________________________

REDEEMED FROM BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS 

Click Here to Watch

Not all sibling broken relationships are restored. Have you experienced a broken relationship?


You want to know a simple truth about relationships? Here it is - they get broken!

• Relationships get off track because somebody insists on having something only their way.
• Relationships will almost always be damaged when both parties are not looking our for each other!

The relationship between Jacob and Esau is a prime example of this, but they also offer us an example of what happens when humility becomes a part of the relationship.


Last week's lesson points:

1. Trust what God tells you. Even when we don’t know what He’s doing, we must remember God has a plan.
2. Don’t take matters into your own hands. We need to keep on trusting God that His timing is right.
3. Refocus on God’s plan. How long we wait on God is directly proportional to how much we trust Him.

Now, let's look at Jacob and Esau...



I. SELFISHNESS CAN DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS – GENESIS 27:41

41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart: “The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”

Why didn’t Esau and Jacob get along?

• Isaac and Rebekah had twin boys after about 20 years of no children. Rebekah’s pregnancy was a difficult one, attributed to the two sons who were struggling with one another within her. Esau was born first with Jacob clutching his heel. Esau became a favored child of his father and Jacob was favored by his mother. So, the scene was set for conflict!
• Esau was so angry at Jacob that he failed to see his own wrong in giving away the birthright in the first place. Jealous anger blinds us from seeing the benefits we have and makes us dwell on what we don’t have.
• When Esau lost the family blessing, his future suddenly changed. Reacting in anger, he decided to kill Jacob.

What attitudes were at the center of both brothers’ actions?

• Greed, anger, “me first” attitude, look out for Number One, selfishness

In what ways could Jacob and Esau both rationalize their actions?

• Esau - he done me wrong (think country western song playing in the background), he took what was rightfully mine, he’s always schemed against me, and Mom helped him.
• Jacob - he didn’t appreciate what he really had, he would have squandered what he did have, you have to take what you can get in this world, he was so gullible.

Who should have healed the rivalry between the two boys and whose responsibility is it to make sure siblings get along? (the parents)

What could Isaac and Rebekah have done differently to help the brothers get along better?

• treat them equally, not involve them in trickery, communicate between themselves about how to raise the children, declare that because they were twins, they would get equal inheritance (even though technically one was minutes older)

What did Esau do that upset his parents at the age of 40?

• Esau married pagan women when he was 40 years old, and this upset his parents greatly. It was after this that Rebekah planned to help Jacob gain Isaac’s blessing intended for Esau. (Genesis 26:34-35) When Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and sent him away to find a wife, and told him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” and Jacob obeyed, he realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac. Esau then goes to Ishmael’s family and marries his daughter hoping to please his parents. (Ishmalites and Edomites – the Arab and Muslim nations of today)

Do we ever benefit from deceiving someone?

• Esau does not take kindly to the deceit. In Genesis 27:41, what does he plan to do to set things right? When Rebekah hears of it, what does she do (vv. 42- 46)? Bonus question: Does Rebekah ever see Jacob again? How does deception apply to our world today? Big business? Stock traders? Foreign affairs?

What does the expression “what goes around comes around” mean in terms of Jacob’s experience?

• He deceived his dad and brother, and then his uncle (Laban) deceived him on his wedding night and then again in the distribution of livestock.

God had told Rebekah “the older will serve the younger,” why do you think Rebekah and Jacob resort to deceit to obtain the blessing? (Genesis 27:1-40) What should they have done?

• Trust what God tells you. Even when we don’t know what He’s doing, we must remember God has a plan. Don’t take matters into your own hands. We need to keep on trusting God that His timing is right. Refocus on God’s plan. How long we wait on God is directly proportional to how much we trust Him.

Points: Age and time of events

• Isaac was about 100 years old when he gave the blessing. He would live another 80 years.
• Esau/Jacob would have been 40 something.
• Jacob would be gone 20 years and Rebekah would never see him again as she passed away before their reconciliation.

What a sad story. Two brothers, both selfish, cared more for things than for each other. But God has an ultimate plan for this broken relationship.

Main point: Self-centeredness can spawn actions that lead to broken relationships with others. 

 



II. HUMILITY CAN REBUILD RELATIONSHIPS – GENESIS 33:1-4

Now Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming toward him with 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female slaves. 2He put the female slaves and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3He himself went on ahead and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. 4But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept.

What were some thoughts and emotions that may have surfaced in Jacob’s mind when he saw Esau coming with a large group of men?

• I’m a goner now, he vowed to kill me, now he’s going to wipe out all of us, why did I treat him that way, I shouldn’t have listened to Mom

How did Jacob demonstrate humility?

• Initially Jacob once again acts selfishly and sent servants and less favorite wives first, put kids in line ahead of him, then favorite wife and her child, if head of line got attacked, he could maybe get away.
• But finally he goes ahead to meet Esau first, and bows to the ground seven times.

How did Esau respond to Jacob?

• Runs to meet him, “hugged his neck” as we say in the South, kissed him, they both wept
• Esau greeted his brother with a big hug. Imagine how difficult this must have been for a man who once had actually plotted to kill his brother. But time away from each other allowed the bitter wounds to heal. With the passing of time, each brother was able to see their relationship was more important than their real estate.

What happened the night before Jacob met Esau and did this help their reconciliation?

• Jacob has been conniving, working angles, tricking people, to get his way right up to this point when he wrestles with God. He suffers a limp from the encounter and begins to MATURE! What is maturity? Maturity is the acceptance of responsibility.
• He learns humility. What does humility mean? Humility is being willing to deny our desires for a greater good.
• This heel grabber, conniver, trickster, and swindler has now become a guy more humble after meeting and wrestling with God. Jacob got his relationship with God right. Why is it important to have a good relationship with God?

Is this just a story about forgiveness? Who needed to be forgiven?

• There are a lot of people in these stories who need forgiveness.

Life can bring us some bad situations. We can feel cheated, as Esau did, but we don’t have to remain bitter. We can remove bitterness from our lives by honestly expressing our feelings to God, forgiving those who have wronged us, and being content with what we have.


Main Points:

• The first step in restoring a broken relationship is for one person to take the initiative to make amends with the other.
• An act of humility opens the way for a response of compassion.

III. FORGIVENESS ALLOWS YOU TO MOVE FORWARD – GENESIS 33:5-11

5When Esau looked up and saw the women and children, he asked, “Who are these with you?” He answered, “The children God has graciously given your servant.” 6Then the female slaves and their children approached him and bowed down. 7Leah and her children also approached and bowed down, and then Joseph and Rachel approached and bowed down. 8So Esau said, “What do you mean by this whole procession I met?” “To find favor with you, my lord,” he answered. 9“I have enough, my brother,” Esau replied. “Keep what you have.” 10But Jacob said, “No, please! If I have found favor with you, take this gift from my hand. For indeed, I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God’s face, since you have accepted me. 11Please take my present that was brought to you, because God has been gracious to me and I have everything I need.” So Jacob urged him until he accepted.

What two questions did Esau ask?

• who are all these people with you, what were the flocks and herds I met

How did Jacob’s answers help their reconciliation?

• attributes blessings to God, declares himself to be “your servant”, states that the flocks and herds are “a gift, my lord, to ensure your friendship”, “If I have found favor, please accept this gift”, “what a relief to see your friendly smile, it is like seeing the face of God”

Which brother appears more dominant in showing humility?

• Jacob …he shows proper humility – “your servant”, “God has graciously given”, “my lord”, more bowing by family, he insists on giving the gifts
• Esau accepts

Main Point: God deals graciously with His children and expects His children to extend grace to others.


Both Jacob and Esau were fathers of nations. In the New Testament, Esau’s choice to sell his birthright is used as an example of ungodliness—a “godless” person who will put physical desires over spiritual blessings (Hebrews 12:15-17). By his negative example, Esau teaches us to hold fast to what is truly important, even if it means denying the appetites of the flesh. Both Old and New Testaments use the story of Jacob and Esau to illustrate God’s calling and election. God chose the younger Jacob to carry on the Abrahamic Covenant, while Esau was providentially excluded from the Messianic line (Malachi 1:2-3; Romans 9:11-14).




Israel in Relation to the Arab/Muslim Countries

 
Malachi 1:2-3 declares, “’I have loved you,’” says the LORD. But you ask, 'How have you loved us?' ‘Was not Esau Jacob's brother?’ the LORD says. ‘Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.’” Malachi 1:3 is quoted in Romans 9:10-13, “Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one and the same father, our father Isaac. Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God's purpose in election might stand: not by works but by him who calls—she was told, ‘The older will serve the younger.’ Just as it is written: ‘Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.’” Why did God love Jacob and hate Esau? If God is love (1 John 4:8), how could He hate anyone?

When studying the Bible, it is critically important to always study the context of a particular Bible verse or passage. In these instances, the prophet Malachi and the apostle Paul are using the name “Esau” to refer to the Edomites, who were the descendants of Esau. Isaac and Rebekah had two sons, Esau and Jacob. God chose Jacob (whom He later renamed “Israel”) to be the father of His chosen people, the Israelites. God rejected Esau (who was also called “Edom”) and did not choose him to be the father of His chosen people. Esau and his descendants, the Edomites, were in many ways blessed by God (Genesis 33:9; Genesis chapter 36).

So, considering the context, God loving Jacob and hating Esau has nothing to do with the human emotions of love and hate. It has everything to do with God choosing one man and his descendants and rejecting another man and his descendants.

• God chose Abraham out of all the men in the world. The Bible very well could say, “Abraham I loved, and every other man I hated.”
• God chose Abraham’s son Isaac instead of Abraham’s son Ishmael. The Bible very well could say, “Isaac I loved, and Ishmael I hated.”
• Romans chapter 9 makes it abundantly clear that loving Jacob and hating Esau was entirely related to which of them God chose. Hundreds of years after Jacob and Esau had died, the Israelites and Edomites became bitter enemies. The Edomites often aided Israel’s enemies in attacks on Israel. Esau’s descendants brought God’s curse upon themselves. Genesis 27:29 tells Israel, “May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed.”

This bitter rivalry has continued throughout history. Esau is also called Edom (see Genesis 36). The Edomites intermarried with the Ishmaelites, beginning with Esau himself (see Genesis 28:9). The descendents of these peoples continued to be in conflict with Israel, and they remain in conflict with the descendants of Jacob today. Esau became the father of the Edomites, who settled in the southern part of present-day Jordan (Genesis 25:30; 36:9 & 43). At one point, Jacob and Esau had reconciled (Genesis 33:1-4), but later the Edomites hated Israel all the more. For instance, they would not let the Israelites pass through their land after the Israelites were delivered by God out of Egypt (Numbers 20:14-21). And the Edomites betrayed the Jews in a very mean way when they were in Babylonian captivity. They gave Jewish refugees into the hands of the Babylonians and rejoiced over the tragedy that had befallen the Jews (Ezekiel 35:1-9, Obadiah 10-14).

The Moabites and Ammonites, who descend from Lot, also deserve to be mentioned; their territory is also in present day Jordan. Thus Israel has become surrounded by more and more Arab nations that would like nothing more than to exterminate this people and claim the land as their own.




How will you obey God’s call to show humility in your relationships?
 

• Submit: Every Christian is called to live under the lordship of Christ. Give God any pride you hold and submit to living humbly in Christ.
• Forgive: If someone has hurt or offended you, take whatever steps necessary to forgive them. You are not saying what they did is OK, but you are refusing to hold that offense against them any longer.
• Apologize: If you are the one who has hurt or offended someone else, contact that person and ask for forgiveness.

Conflict happens. It has happened to countless people in the past, and it will happen to you – even in the context of your deepest and most meaningful relationships. What happens next will determine the quality of those relationships. So choose wisely! 

Prayer of Commitment

Dear Lord, give me courage and a willing spirit to take the first step to bring healing to a broken relationship with a brother or sister. Amen



Hope to see you on Sunday!



In His Love,


David & Susan