5
Forgive Your Neighbor
Question 1:
What qualities do you look for in a doctor?
THE POINT
Love leads us to forgive.
THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE
How do you know you have a good doctor? It’s not just tied to his medical school or training. A good doctor applies that knowledge well. A good doctor knows what questions to ask, discerns what symptoms mean, and prescribes the right treatment. But we tend to value one more important thing in our medical doctors: they tell us what we need to know with compassion.
Hearing a medical diagnosis can be among the most anxious moments of our lives. Often, we’d rather just avoid hearing it, yet we know a good doctor tactfully tells us what we may not want to hear but urgently need to hear. A good doctor gently explains the problem and gives us the diagnosis so he can prescribe the cure.
Jesus is more than a good doctor; He’s the Great Physician. He sees what makes our hearts sick. His diagnoses are always accurate. And He provides the effective cure: Himself. With this study, we’ll consider a debilitating ailment of the soul: unforgiveness. Unforgiveness robs us of the life we’re meant to live: a life of joy, peace, and love for God and others.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?
Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.”
I think a lot of us can relate to Peter. He would blurt out what most of us are thinking. The disciples had just heard Jesus’s prescription for conflict resolution among fellow Christians (Matt 18:15-20). The passage also tells us the how and why of what is often referred to as “church discipline.” Jesus told His disciples to first go to the other person directly with the goal to restore the relationship.
Just that first step in the Lord’s plan for conflict resolution would dramatically change our families and churches if we followed it. But instead, we often allow resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness to fester.
Peter asked a natural question: How often would he have to forgive? With his question, Peter hoped to be generous by throwing out the number seven. It was far beyond what the Jewish religious tradition required. The Pharisees taught that you weren’t required to forgive someone more than three times.1 So by suggesting “as many as seven” times, Peter took piety to the next level and asked if he needed to forgive someone more than double what the religious leaders prescribed.
Others may have been impressed with Peter’s generosity, but Jesus wasn’t. On the contrary, His response to Peter was that he should forgive someone “seventy times seven!” That wasn’t just excessive; it was impossible!
Jesus wasn’t saying that we should forgive someone up to a certain number and then stop. He was telling Peter—and us—that we are to be free in our forgiveness and over-the-top generous in showing mercy. We’re to forgive so often that we lose count of how many times someone has offended us. In other words, don’t keep track. Just forgive.
Question 2:
What makes forgiveness so difficult?
Let’s consider what defines forgiveness and how it connects to loving our neighbor. Beginning in verse 23, Jesus taught a parable that defines forgiveness as releasing someone from a debt. It means you no longer demand that the offender repay what you lost. But like all debts, they don’t just disappear; instead, the one who was sinned against chooses to absolve the debt.
When we think of owing someone a debt, we usually think of money. Although Jesus used financial debt to convey the point in His parable, the debts we owe, and the debts owed to us, take many forms. Faithfulness, kindness, respect, gratitude are just a few things our debtors may owe us, and these are certainly “debts” we owe to others.
Unforgiveness is demanding that those in our debt pay us what they owe; yet, the longer we hold onto that debt, the more that debt holds onto us. We rehearse the offense and relive the emotions. Soon, we become bitter, even taking out our unforgiveness on other people. Left unchecked, the cancer of unforgiveness will continue to spread, choking out the love of God in our hearts. If you and I want to be spiritually whole and at peace with others, we must let unforgiveness go. We must forgive.
Matthew 18:23-27
23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.”
Jesus elaborated on His answer to Peter with a parable about a king and a servant. The servant “owed ten thousand talents” to his king. A single talent represented twenty years of work.2 So, this man owed 200,000 years’ worth of money! In our modern dollars, this man’s debt was in the billions!
Imagine how irrational the servant’s response must have sounded to Peter: “Be patient with me, and I will repay you everything.” He faced an unfathomable debt, and yet his solution was to try to pay it back. Notice the king didn’t agree to his servant’s terms. He simply forgave his servant and canceled the entire debt!
Jesus wasn’t just teaching about forgiveness; He was also telling us who belongs in the kingdom of God. Just like this servant, we owe a debt to God that is impossible to pay.
Engage
FORGIVE—ALWAYS
Rank the following situations in order (1-5), from the one that would be the easiest to the one that would be hardest for you to forgive.
Somebody has owed you $200 for some time.
Someone says something insulting about your clothes.
A neighbor—who has no proof—accuses your child or grandchild of tearing up their flowerbed.
At dinner a houseguest accidently drops and breaks a serving piece that had belonged to your mom.
A coworker or fellow club member gets all the credit for a project you have worked together on for the last month.
Consider why these challenges rank the way they do for you. Ask God to help you forgive in situations like these and others.
“Do not owe anyone anything, except to love one another, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”
And just as the servant went before the king in Jesus’s parable, we will have to settle our account before a holy and righteous God—unless Someone settles it for us.
When God forgives us, He doesn’t ignore our sins. He doesn’t pretend everything is fine or fudge the numbers on His cosmic ledger sheet. No, when God forgives, He absorbs our debt Himself. When Jesus—God in the flesh—died for our sins on the cross, He paid the debt of sin for all who come to Him for mercy (Col. 2:13-14). Our unfathomable debt is erased by an unfathomable great love.
But God didn’t stop there. When we are united to Christ through faith in Him, He doesn’t just forgive us; He adopts us. He brings us into His family! Since God has made us His family, His Spirit is continually making us like Himself. Since we are truly forgiven by God, we are to be like Him, and we demonstrate our new identity by forgiving others. Forgiving others isn’t a condition of salvation; it’s a confirmation of salvation.
Question 3:
How can you relate to the servant at this point in the parable?
Matthew 18:28-35
28 “That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. 32 Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”
Question 4:
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
The servant in Jesus’s parable proved that he hadn’t received the king’s mercy. The servant hadn’t embraced the king’s forgiveness, so his debt remained. Forgiveness is both a choice and a process. Sometimes we know we need to forgive someone for what they’ve done, but we’re still working through the pain of betrayal or loss. God knows your heart. He’ll lead you to the freedom of forgiveness by His Spirit, through His Word, and with the help of other believers.
Sometimes, our desire for justice keeps us stuck in unforgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t ignoring the offense; it’s trusting God to work justice on your behalf. We leave any vengeance in God’s hands, knowing that one day, He will set everything right. Forgiveness means we give the unpaid debt to the Lord who will vindicate us.
Look at who does the repaying. The one who did wrong to you owes you a debt, but it’s God who repays. There are two reasons: All sin is ultimately against God. And when we forgive, we trust the Lord to make things right. It may not be in our timing, but God promises honor to the one who humbly trusts Him and lives according to His ways.
The truth is we can’t afford not to forgive. The pain to us is too great and the burden too heavy. If your heart is sick with unforgiveness, you can be healed and restored to spiritual health by the Great Physician.
Question 5:
When have you seen someone find peace by forgiving others?
LIVE IT OUT
Love leads us to forgive. Choose one of the following applications:
- Seek God’s forgiveness. Confess any and all sin to God and ask His forgiveness. He has promised to forgive you. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
- Seek other’s forgiveness. To love your neighbor means forgiving, but it may also call for asking for forgiveness. If you have hurt or offended someone else, no matter how unintentionally, apologize. Seek to restore that relationship by removing the offense.
- Offer forgiveness. Regardless of who may have hurt you, forgive. It may just be a matter of forgiving in your heart, but for others, you may need to tell them you forgive. Ask God for wisdom on the best way to approach the situation.
Whether our doctor is a good explainer of our condition or not, Jesus certainly is. We can be assured that He knows our hearts, sees our hurts, and can bring healing as we forgive and seek forgiveness.
Teacher Notes:
Forgive Your Neighbor: Play Video: Patch Adams
What is it that we admire about a Patch Adams
as a doctor?
Is it his medical school training? A good
doctor knows what questions to ask, discerns what symptoms mean, and prescribes
the right treatment. But we tend to value one more important thing in our
medical doctors: they tell us what we need to know with compassion.
Compassion involves feeling another person's pain and wanting to take steps to
help relieve their suffering.
Jesus is more than just a good doctor; He’s the
Great Physician. He sees what makes our hearts sick. He feels our pain and
wants to relieve our suffering. And He provides the best cure: His Love.
In this lesson, we are going to consider a debilitating ailment of the soul: unforgiveness. Unforgiveness robs us of the life we’re meant to live: a
life of joy, peace, and love for God and others.
What are some of the biggest offenses you’ve
seen forgiven?
Forgiveness is not easy. Things often surface
that remind us of the hurt or injustice we felt, and a bitter spirit can
resurface. In those moments, we must remember the depth of forgiveness God has
extended to us. Even as God forgave us in Christ, we are to forgive.
Forgiveness is a great healer in any relationship.
Setting:
Matthew’s Gospel includes five major discourses (Matt. 5–7; 10; 13; 18; 23–25)
in which Jesus instructed His disciples on what it would mean to follow Him and
to live as citizens of the kingdom of heaven, meaning under the rule and reign
of God. Each discourse ended with a summary statement (8:1; 11:1; 13:53; 19:1;
26:1).
The verses for this session come from the
fourth discourse (Matt. 18). Here Jesus gave instructions concerning the
character of His disciples; specifically, humility and forgiveness. The
discussion was in response to the disciples’ question, “Who is the greatest in
the kingdom of heaven?” (v. 1). In response, Jesus taught a lesson on humility
(vv. 2-14), described a process for being reconciled with one who sinned
against them (vv. 15-20), and the importance of avoiding offensive actions
against others (vv. 21-35).
Jesus’s teaching about forgiveness generated a
question in Peter’s mind. So, after the public teaching was over, Peter
approached Jesus to follow up on what He had said. Perhaps the question was
something he had been pondering for some time.
How many times should one forgive another
person?
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter approached him and asked, “Lord, how
many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as
seven times?” “I tell you, not as many
as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.”
1.
Have a Love Without Records (vv. 21-22)
Love forgives – and keeps forgiving.
It’s clear that Christ is calling for a love
that does not keep a ledger and does not have limits. Christ does not want us
to have a record-keeping love, He wants us to have a radical love. When
Christ died for us, He did not put a cap on how many sins He would die for.
He determined to take on all our sins so that we could have all His
righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21). Just as Christ has bore and forgiven our sins
against God, we must be like Christ and forgive others’ sins against us.
The rabbis taught that people should forgive
those who offended them – but only three times. So, Peter probably thought he
was being overly generous. Jesus’ point was that we shouldn’t even keep track
of how many times we forgive someone. We should always forgive those who are
truly repentant, no matter how many times they ask. In other words, don’t keep
track. Just forgive.
What makes forgiveness so difficult? What are
the consequences of not forgiving someone? Why should forgiveness be a mark of
a Christian?
Matthew 18:23-34
“For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be
compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. When he
began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents was brought before
him. Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that
he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. “At
this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I
will pay you everything.’ Then the master of that servant had compassion,
released him, and forgave him the loan.” “That servant went out and found one
of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him, started
choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ “At this, his fellow servant fell
down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But
he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could
pay what was owed. When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were
deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had
happened. Then, after he had summoned
him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt
because you begged me. Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant,
as I had mercy on you?’ And because he was angry, his master handed him over to
the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed.”
So, Christ tells a story. The master demands
payment of the servant. The servant can’t pay. The master demands that he, his
wife, his children, and all his possessions be sold to settle the debt. He
cries for mercy and the master dissolves the debt and forgives him of the whole
large sum that he owed. The forgiven servant goes out and finds a
fellow-servant who owes him, and grabs, chokes, and ultimately imprisons the
fellow-servant who couldn’t afford to pay him. The master receives the report
of what happened, revoked his forgiveness, and threw the first indebted servant
in prison to be tortured until he could pay all that he owed.
2. Have
a Love Without Restrictions (vv. 23-34) What does this mean?
God extends forgiveness to us.
The parable gives us a picture of God’s
forgiveness — it is without restrictions. Anybody can be forgiven of God no
matter how much they’ve done.
The parable also gives us a picture of
ungratefulness — the ungrateful person never considers nor is motivated by the
grace and mercy of God towards him.
Our love should not only be without records,
but it should also be without restrictions — we should be willing and able to
forgive anybody.
What do we learn about God in this parable?
Jesus wasn’t just teaching about forgiveness;
He was also telling us who belongs in the kingdom of God. Just like this
servant, we owe a debt to God that is impossible to pay.
“One of the greatest tests of the degree of a
person’s transformation into the likeness of Christ is his reaction to the one
who does evil to him.”
When God forgives us, He doesn’t ignore our
sins. He doesn’t pretend everything is fine or fudge the numbers on His cosmic
ledger sheet. No, when God forgives, He absorbs our debt Himself. When
Jesus—God in the flesh—died for our sins on the cross, He paid the debt of sin
for all who come to Him for mercy (Col. 2:13-14). Our unfathomable debt is
erased by an unfathomable great love.
Matthew 18:35
So also my heavenly Father will do to you
unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”
3. Have
a Love That Is Reciprocal (v. 35)
God expects us to forgive even as He has
forgiven us.
The final movement in the passage calls for the
reciprocation of love. Scripture tells us that we ought to love as Christ loved
(John 13:34-35) and to forgive in the same manner that God has forgiven us
(Col. 3:14-15). In the text, Christ says that those who act like the
unforgiving servant will receive an unbearable punishment. Furthermore, He says
that this kind of forgiveness comes from the heart. So, may the Lord fix and
form our hearts so that we may have a love that does not keep records, that
does not have restrictions, and a love that reciprocates the love and
forgiveness we receive from Christ to others.
Sometimes, our desire for justice keeps us
stuck in unforgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t ignoring the offense; it’s
trusting God to work justice on your behalf. We leave any vengeance in God’s
hands, knowing that one day, He will set everything right. Forgiveness means we
give the unpaid debt to the Lord who will vindicate us.
Unforgiveness robs us of a life of joy, peace,
and love for God and others.
When have you seen someone find peace by
forgiving others?
At the Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, S.C.,
members gathered for Bible study on June 17, 2015, when a young white
supremacist entered the building. Though they welcomed him in, before long,
he’d murdered nine African American church members. What shocked the world at
the shooter’s first court appearance were the statements made by the victims’
relatives: “‘I forgive you,’ Nadine Collier, the daughter of 70-year-old Ethel
Lance, said, her voice breaking with emotion. ‘You took something very precious
from me. I will never talk to her again. I will never, ever hold her again. But
I forgive you. And have mercy on your soul.’
When asked about his statement of forgiveness
toward the man who killed his wife Myra, Reverend Anthony Thompson explained:
“As soon as I got through saying that I was free. I mean, I was light as a
feather. I mean, I felt a peace. …He freed me from the pain that I was feeling,
from the anger I felt. He freed me from the sadness I had in my heart. …And I
feel that same peace right now today. …it enabled me to move forward in my
life. I’ve told people that forgiveness is not for the perpetrator or the
offender. …I didn’t let Dylann off the hook. Dylann is in prison, but I’m free.
And it changed Charleston…. forgiveness just opened everybody’s minds up and
started to heal our city. …God took this tragedy and brought the good. And it
all came from acts of forgiveness.
The truth is we can’t afford not to forgive.
The pain to us is too great and the burden too heavy. If your heart is sick
with unforgiveness, you can be healed and restored to spiritual health by the
Great Physician.
For the forgiven to be unforgiving toward
others indicates a total disregard for the forgiveness they have received from
a gracious God.
We are to forgive because we have been
forgiven.
Those who receive mercy are to show mercy
(Matt. 5:7).
Conclusion: Forgiveness can be hard. The way to gain the strength to
forgive is by thinking about all the things you have done to offend God. As you
consider how much He has forgiven you of, you will gain the strength and
motivation to forgive those who hurt, offended, or sinned against you. Remember
Christ on the cross and then release the compassion of Christ towards those that
cross you.
