HOME. For most people, that single word can generate a good feeling—a sense of comfort, security, and even longing. After all, “there’s no place like home.”
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No matter where we live or in what season of life we currently find ourselves, home is that place where we can let our hair down and be, well, at home. It’s when we’re at home that we reveal who we really are and demonstrate what really matters to us. We might pretend to be a Christian at church, but it’s impossible to fake it at home. Home is the place where the people we love the most have a front row seat to our lives.
Whatever your situation looks like at this stage of life, Jesus wants you to be the best member of your family that you can possibly be. Thankfully, He hasn’t left you alone to figure out what that looks like. As disciples of Jesus, our identity is in Christ—and that identity can be seen in a home environment of Christ-centered love, submission, and obedience.
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?
Ephesians 5:22-24
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.
Paul began with these words: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Contemporary culture laughs at such wisdom, calling it ancient and out of touch. You may even cringe as you read this passage. Our society has gone to great lengths to paint a negative stereotype on any submissive person.
Yet God intended these verses as an invitation to a blessing.
Just as God has blessed the church with Christ as its Leader, God wants to bless every family with a leader. For families with a husband in the home, God has assigned him to be the leader. The text is as clear as our culture is confused. God’s design for the family has always been and will always be to have only two hands on the wheel. It would be disastrous to have four hands on the wheel—or none.
Let’s first look at submission in a broader context. As Christians, we’re all called to submit to Christ. To be a Christian is to be someone who has submitted to and acknowledged the lordship of Jesus. Therefore, a wife who submits to her husband has simply submitted her marriage to Christ. That’s why Paul said wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord.”
Submission isn’t a natural behavior for us. It’s never easy, but it is expected. Wives who willingly submit to their husbands are entrusting their marriage to God. That doesn’t mean the wife places her faith in her husband; rather, she places her faith in Jesus to lead her husband.
In the same way, submission does not mean silence. I rely on my wife as a source of wisdom and a sounding board for what I am thinking. I look forward to her opinion and greatly value her thoughts and insights. I married an amazing woman, and I would be a fool not to listen to her advice.
As the church submits to Christ, so too “wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.” To submit “in everything” doesn’t include things that are wrong. God never expects a wife to be complicit in sin. If the husband’s desires, choices, or demands are wrong, it’s the wife’s duty first and foremost to be obedient to Christ.
In this way, submission is never a passive action. It’s a choice to live a life of obedience to Christ. As we’ll see, Jesus is the leader and supreme Head over all—especially husbands.
Ephesians 5:25-28
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
For me, becoming a husband was easy. However, becoming a godly husband has been the greatest challenge of my life. And I’ll be clear up front: I haven’t always been a godly husband. My wife has endured my selfishness and has seen the very worst of me.
Even so, we’ve celebrated over 20 years of marriage. How did that happen? Our marriage has not only survived, but it has thrived because of one simple truth: I learned to die to myself.
I learned about dying to self by studying the life and death of Jesus. Any man who desires to become the husband God wants him to be needs to study and imitate the life of Jesus. The apostle Paul commanded husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.” Jesus loves us and desires the very best for us. For Christ, the very best for us meant His death on the cross, because through that sacrifice we gained forgiveness and eternal life.
Christ submitted Himself to the Father and to death for our benefit— to bring us back to Himself and make us “without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.” What an incredible sacrifice for us! In the same way, the husband is to sacrifice himself to ensure that his wife can become everything God means her to be. When husbands love their wives they way Christ loves, they surrender their own desires in favor of what’s best for their wives. Ultimately, this is submission to Christ, because the husband is placing the needs of another before his own.
When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he models submission for his family. Husbands are to submit to Christ, and wives are to submit to their husbands. Husbands cannot lead their wives to a Christ-honoring behavior they are unwilling to demonstrate themselves. As I submit to Christ, my wife trusts me. By leading out in submission, I encourage her submission.
The love and submission Paul lifts up in verses 22-28 not only benefit the couple, they also influence others who see their relationship and actions. And no one is more impacted than their children. After all, children don’t just learn to do what parents say; they learn by watching what their parents do.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.
As a child, I didn’t understand many of the rules set down by my parents. I responded to virtually every one of my parents’ commands and requests with one word: “Why?”
My parents often responded with, “Because I said so!”
It’s natural for children to ask the “Why?” question, and good communication is a big part of effective parenting. In the end, though, children have a responsibility to obey what their parents say. The command is not to obey because parents are perfect, but because Christ is.
Sure, obedience to parents is commanded for the children at home, but what does that have to do with us? We’re adults now! Our parents’ desire was to help us grow into mature men and women who live independent and responsible lives. When we reach that point and we’re out on our own, our relationship to them changes—but our charge to honor them does not. Honor never goes out of style.
The decision to honor our parents isn’t without its benefits: “so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.” Paul reminded us that God will bless us when we honor our parents.
What does such honor look like? It’s more than a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day card. It’s more than flowers on their graves. Rather, we show honor in our attitude toward our parents. It’s seen in what we do when we’re with them—how we talk to them or respond to their advice, and how we talk about them.
As we seek to live out our identity in Christ, we cannot do so by simply being a husband, wife, parent, or child. We do it as followers of Jesus—and we live out our submission to Christ in how we live at home.
LIVE IT OUT
How will you live out your identity in Christ at home in the days to come? Consider these suggestions to get started:
- Submission. Begin each morning by actively and intentionally submitting to Christ. Verbally acknowledge Him as your Lord and Master.
- Love. Be on the lookout for an opportunity to demonstrate self-sacrificial love to someone important in your life—your spouse, your friend, your neighbor, and so on. Express your love both verbally and through action.
- Honor. Even as adults, we’re still called to honor our parents. Identify a practical way you can express that honor to one of your parents this week.
There certainly is no place like home. It’s likely the place where you feel most comfortable—most like your true self. For that reason, make sure your home reflects your identity as a disciple of Jesus.
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Teacher Notes:
What did you like most about your family growing up?
What do we do with the decline of the home?
I. Wives Submit Ephesians 5:22-24
Why does Paul say that wives are to submit? And What does this mean?
What does “submit” mean? What does “submit” not mean?
- Submission does not mean to give in to the husband’s every whim, to be trampled underfoot, to be treated disrespectfully. Instead, wives give up control by placing themselves under the influence of their husbands.
- Submission is a matter of the heart— a voluntary action. How does a wife submit to her husband? By allowing the husband to take leadership in the relationship. Authority is not domination but responsible headship in the family. This action includes listening, encouraging, cultivating a calm and gentle spirit, and respecting. Such behavior is not one of weakness and inferiority but of humility and prayer. Matthew Henry said it best: “The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.”
- Submission is like traveling to a foreign country with a friend who has made all the arrangements, planned the itinerary, made the reservations at the hotels, knows the transportation schedule, and how to get to all the sites with you in mind. All you have to do is follow their lead, enjoying the trip. The stress-related details have been taken care of. Why fret? Why not follow their lead? The friend has your best interest in mind (as we will discover next) and wants nothing but the finest for you.
- Too many of us, men and women, feel like we have to be number one, like we have to be in control, like we always have to have our way. Submission recognizes that many matters aren’t as important as we think. Like the subtitle of the popular book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: “And it’s all small stuff.” It takes a strong and mature woman to be submissive and a loving and selfless man to exact Christ-like influence—one who loves his wife. Ephesians 5:22 would be harder if it weren’t for 5:21.
In what ways can faith in Jesus fuel a wife’s submission to her husband?
How is submission a godly value all Christ-followers should embrace?
Submission is an important issue in relation to marriage. Here is the plain biblical command: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24). Even before sin entered the world, there was still the principle of the headship of the husband (1 Timothy 2:13). Adam was created first, and Eve was created to be a "helper" for Adam (Genesis 2:18–20). God has established several types of authority in the world: governments to enforce justice in society and provide protection; pastors to lead and feed the sheep of God; husbands to love and nurture their wives; and fathers to admonish their children. In each case, submission is required: citizen to government, flock to shepherd, wife to husband, child to father. The Greek word translated “submit,” hupotasso, is the continuing form of the verb. This means that submitting to God, the government, a pastor, or a husband is not a one-time act. It is a continual attitude, which becomes a pattern of behavior.
First, of course, we are responsible to submit to God, which is the only way we can truly obey Him (James 1:21; 4:7). And each Christian should live in humble, ready submission to others (Ephesians 5:21). In regards to submission within the family unit, 1 Corinthians 11:2–3, says that the husband is to submit to Christ (as Christ did to God the Father) and the wife is to submit to her husband. There is much misunderstanding in our world today about the roles of husband and wife within a marriage. Even when the biblical roles are properly understood, many choose to reject them in favor of a supposed “emancipation” of women, with the result that the family unit is torn apart. It’s no surprise that the world rejects God’s design, but God’s people should be joyfully celebrating that design.
Submit is not a bad word. Submission is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Christ constantly submitted Himself to the will of the Father (Luke 22:42; John 5:30), without giving up an iota of His worth. To counter the world’s misinformation concerning a wife’s submission to her husband, we should carefully note the following in Ephesians 5:22–24: 1) A wife is to submit to one man (her husband), not to every man. The rule to submit does not extend to a woman’s place in society at large. 2) A wife is to willingly submit to her husband in personal obedience to the Lord Jesus. She submits to her husband because she loves Jesus. 3) The example of a wife’s submission is that of the church to Christ. 4) There is nothing said of the wife’s abilities, talents, or worth; the fact that she submits to her own husband does not imply that she is inferior or less worthy in any way. Also notice that there are no qualifiers to the command to submit, except “in everything.” So, the husband does not have to pass an aptitude test or an intelligence test before his wife submits. It may be a fact that she is better qualified than he to lead in many ways, but she chooses to follow the Lord’s instruction by submitting to her husband’s leadership. In so doing, a godly wife can even win her unbelieving husband to the Lord “without words” simply by her holy behavior (1 Peter 3:1).
What happens when followers of Christ abandon submission? What does that do to a family? A friendship? The church? Our faith?
II. Husbands Love Ephesians 5:25-28
Why does Paul say that husbands are to love their wives? And What does this mean?
- Interestingly, twice the space is used in Ephesians 5-6 to address the husbands as the wives. Love sums up the action and attitude of a husband. “Husbands love your wives.” The word used is the same as God’s love: agape. It’s a self-giving, self-sacrificing, self-denying love that puts the other’s needs ahead of one’s own. It’s a love that has no limits.
- A marital questionnaire asked the question: “What do women love most about their husbands?” The leading answer was a “husband’s sensitivity and love for them.” For a husband to love his wife goes beyond merely being committed to the relationship. It is more than sending flowers, writing love notes, and taking her out to dinner (though she would appreciate these acts of love). Agape love requires an active commitment that entails sacrifice. This kind of love costs. It takes time, mental and emotional energy, and self-discipline. Such love denies self-centered desires and preferences and focuses instead on the needs of the wife. It might mean engaging in conversation when sitting quietly is preferred, or focusing full attention on her instead of watching a ball game, or listening to her frustrations after hearing coworkers complain all day. It definitely means praying with her and for her even when physically exhausted and sleep is needed, being committed to her spiritual growth, and engaging in her personal well-being.
- A correct understanding of love makes submission possible. Too many husbands bang the drum of submission but don’t practice God-like love. In a family where Jesus is Lord, genuine submission can’t exist without sacrificial love. Or, the whole relational balance is upset and the possibility of damage is paramount. For the correct picture of love, study Jesus’ sacrifice. The strongest virtue a man can pass on to his children is to love his wife. The old saying bears repeating: The best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother. Love her openly. Love her deeply. Love her continually. Love her faithfully.
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. What are some characteristics of Jesus’ love?
- Submission should be a natural response to loving leadership. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25—33), then submission is a natural response from a wife to her husband. But, regardless of the husband’s love or lack thereof, the wife is commanded to submit “as to the Lord” (verse 22). This means that her obedience to God—her acceptance of His plan—will result in her submission to her husband. The “as to the Lord” comparison also reminds the wife that there is a higher authority to whom she is responsible. Thus, she is under no obligation to disobey civil law or God’s law in the name of “submission” to her husband. She submits in things that are right and lawful and God-honoring. Of course, she does not “submit” to abuse—that is not right or lawful or God-honoring. To try to use the principle of “submission” to justify abuse is to twist Scripture and promote evil.
- The submission of the wife to the husband in Ephesians 5 does not allow the husband to be selfish or domineering. His command is to love (verse 25), and he is responsible before God to fulfill that command. The husband must exercise his authority wisely, graciously, and in the fear of the God to whom he must give an account.
- When a wife is loved by her husband as the church is loved by Christ, submission is not difficult. Ephesians 5:24 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” In a marriage, submission is a position of giving honor and respect to the husband (see Ephesians 5:33) and completing what he is lacking in. It is God’s wise plan for how the family should function.
- Commentator Matthew Henry wrote, “The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.” The immediate context of the commands to the husband and wife in Ephesians 5:19–33 involves the filling of the Spirit. Spirit-filled believers are to be worshipful (5:19), thankful (5:20), and submissive (5:21). Paul then follows this line of thought on Spirit-filled living and applies it to wives in verses 22–24. A wife should submit to her husband, not because women are inferior (the Bible never teaches that), but because that is how God designed the marital relationship to function.
III. Children Obey Ephesians 6:1-3
- Children are to accept the leadership of their parents. They do what their parents say. Obedience is expected and rewarded. In fact, as Wayne Grant states in his book, Growing Parents Growing Children, “children feel more secure and protected when their parents set rules and regulations and enforce them consistently.”
- As with submission, a corresponding benefit manifests with obedience: “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:3 ESV) or as the NIV translates it: “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:3 NIV). Who doesn’t want things to go well? And who doesn’t want a long life? Unfortunately, for many children life is difficult and short, dying too soon.
The home is disintegrating. The moral fabric of families is unraveling. Houses are war zones. How do we teach our children to obey? By saying “no” with love, by setting boundaries with love, by spending time with them, by listening to them, by praying for them, by being there when they really need us, by praising our children, and by setting the right example. The best way, however, to teach obedience is to model obedience. Like many important traits obedience is more easily caught than taught. Children quickly learn from parents following scriptural teaching, most importantly: “Wives submit to your husbands . . .” and “Husbands love your wives . . .” Our children will learn to honor us as we honor our parents. Our children learn respect as we respect each other. Children don’t do what we say; children do what we do. They become what we are.
Conclusion
What are the benefits of a home marked by mutual submission?
There certainly is no place like home. For that reason, make sure your home reflects your identity as a disciple of Jesus.
Hope to see you on Sunday!
In His Love,
David & Susan
