What Kind of Love Are You Married To?
There are very few things in our world today that were ever a part of God's perfect plan for mankind. Our government, with all its checks and balances and laws, would not be necessary if it were not for the corruption that sin produced. Our money system, with all the buying and selling, would not be necessary in a sinless world that did unto others as they would have others do unto them. There are many things that we consider institutions in our society that were never intended by God, but are needed to cope with and control the perversion that entered the world through sin. But one thing that God established while man was still in a sinless state and said that it was not good for him to do without - was marriage. Genesis 2:18 says, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." This perfect man who had none of the pressures or problems that we know of today still was not complete without a mate. It wasn’t Adam who approached God and asked for a companion. Adam didn't know what he was missing! It was God who initiated the whole thing because that was His perfect plan. God is Love! And He wants you to experience this kind of love today, in your marriage.
What do you mean when you tell your spouse, I Love You?
Is it - This Kind of Love?
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Is it - This Kind of Love?
Even at our worst, God loves us.
The Bible Meets Life
When we seek to get right with God – or closer to Him – our human tendency is to do something to gain God’s attention or favor. Loving one another in the life long relationship of marriage can be a real gift of God. Having God as the center of your marriage is incredibly important. God in His love can give you the ability to love, to forgive, and to truly care for one another even when things get difficult. The good news is that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life and your marriage.
The Setting
1. Romans 3, Paul presented the truth that we are justified by faith.
2. Romans 4, he illustrated that truth from the life of Abraham.
3. Romans 5, is the result of that justification: peace with God. Peace with God means that we have been fully reconciled to God and given eternal life in Christ.
The Two-Sided Reality of the Christian Life
1. On the one hand, we are complete in Christ (our acceptance with Him is secured).
2. On the other hand, we are growing in Christ (we are becoming more and more like Him).
At one and the same time we have the status of kings and the duties of slaves. We feel both the presence of Christ and the pressure of sin. We enjoy the peace that comes from being made right with God, but we still face daily problems that often help us grow. If we remember these two sides of the Christian life, we will not grow discouraged as we face temptations and problems. Instead, we will learn to depend on the power available to us from Christ, who lives in us by the Holy Spirit.
Let’s find out what God means when He says to us, I Love You.
I. YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD – ROMANS 5:6-8
6 For while we were still helpless, at the appointed moment, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For rarely will someone die for a just person—though for a good person perhaps someone might even dare to die. 8 But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!
How does Jesus’ sacrifice compare with the heroic acts of normal people?
- Jesus’ motivation for saving us was and is love. God’s love is unprecedented in human experience. We would never consider dying for someone of bad reputation, yet Jesus died for the evil and depraved. He did this to free us not only from the penalty of sin but from its power over us. God’s intention is to transform us into the likeness of His Son.
What’s your response to the point of this lesson?
- Even at our worst, God loves us.
What did God demonstrate or prove through Christ’s death?
- Christ’s sacrificial death was not an accident or because of evil men. It was part of God’s redemptive plan accomplished at the right time.
How does Paul explain the difference between human love and God’s kind of love?
- In contrast to the limited display of human love, the vastness of God’s love is seen in that Christ died for us, on our behalf, even though we were sinners. God sent Jesus Christ to die for us, not because we were good enough, but because He loved us. Whenever you feel uncertain about God’s love for you, remember that He loved you even before you turned to Him. If God loved you when you were a rebel, he can surely strengthen you, now that you love Him in return.
- God’s love and marriage: God's kind of love is a choice that you make on the basis of what God said, and then act on it in faith until it becomes a reality in your spirit, soul, and body. If you can receive this basic truth about God's love, then you can begin to be consistent in your love to your mate because your love is based on a choice that you have made, not on the way they act. This is the root cause of nearly all strife in marriage. Everything is fine until one partner does something wrong to the other, and then the feathers fly. Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us that way? A roman 5:8 says, "God proves His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!" Praise God! God's love wasn't based upon what we had done for Him or what we deserved but upon His choice to love us. That is all! We didn't do anything to merit God's love. He just chose to give it. We can choose to receive that kind of love and then give it to others in the same way.
- Another way to say this is that God's love is unconditional. Jesus didn't wait until we were worth it or had repented before He gave Himself for our sins. He gave Himself for us while we were yet sinners and living a life of rebellion against Him (Rom. 5:8). The difference is our acceptance or rejection of it not His offer of love. God's love is unconditional.
- We have to put this unconditional love of God to work in our marriages. If you live with a person for any length of time at all, you are going to find fault with them. If your love isn't unconditional, then you will begin to give them what they deserve, which is trouble. And you can rest assured that when you make a mistake, you will reap what you have sown.
- One of the most striking differences to me between the world's love and God's kind of love is that you can teach yourself to operate in God's love. Titus 2:4 says that the older women are to teach the younger women "to love their husbands, to love their children." Carnal love is completely motivated by the emotions or senses, but God's love comes from the heart, and although the feelings are definitely affected, they don't motivate or deter God's love.
- Carnal love is characterized by a naked, little, fat boy who goes around shooting people with arrows to cause them to "fall" in love or to "fall" out of love. That simply is not true love. God's love is the same yesterday, today, and forever. That is the way God is (Heb. 13:8) and God is love (1 John 4:8). People who love one minute and then their mood changes and they act the opposite way the next minute, simply don't operate in God's love. You may feel like reacting in anger, but you can choose to operate in love.
- Many people are confused about this and think, I can't act like I love them when I don't feel it. Oh, yes you can! God's Word tells us to even love our enemies (Matt. 5:44). It is a command. He didn't say to do it if you felt like it. If you will choose to do what God tells you to, your feelings will follow. You can teach yourself to love with God's kind of love.
Let’s look further at how God has expressed His love to us through Christ.
How do you feel when you reconnect with someone?
Read: Romans 5:9-11 and while you’re reading listen for different ways people are described and how those descriptions came to be.
II. YOU ARE RECONCILED BY CHRIST – ROMANS 5:9-11
9 Much more then, since we have now been declared righteous by His blood, we will be saved through Him from wrath. 10 For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by His life! 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have now received this reconciliation through Him.
Reconciliation is restoration of relationships where resentment and estrangement had existed. Jesus destroyed the wall our sin had built. His sacrifice made possible the restoration of the relationship our sin had broken.
Because we have been declared righteous, from what shall we be saved?
- We will be delivered from the wrath to come.
What does it mean to be reconciled to God?
- By Christ’s death, we have been reconciled to God, and, by His life, we shall be saved for eternity.
If we have been reconciled to God, why can’t we reconcile our marriages? Why do you think two out of three marriages in America end up in divorce today?
- Christians can have God's best in their homes. God instituted marriage, so He certainly knows how to make it work properly. The only reason two out of three marriages in America end up in divorce is because the people involved don't follow the instructions God gave concerning marriage. It is that simple. The solution is not easy, but it is that simple.
- What does God say about marriage? From Ephesians 5:22-33, we get quite a bit of instruction. This article doesn't allow us enough space to deal with everything these scriptures minister concerning marriage, but certainly one principle that is interwoven throughout them all is love: God's kind of love. It is important that you realize that God's institution of marriage will only work with God's kind of love.
How do we attempt to clean up our act before coming to Christ?
HOW DO I KNOW GOD LOVES ME?
A time God has shown me His love: _____________________
“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.” – C.S. Lewis
What’s Love/Power Got To Do With It?
The love that caused Christ to die is the same love that sends the Holy Spirit to live in us and guide us every day. The power that raised Christ from the dead is the same power that saved you and is available to you in your daily life. Be assured that having begun a life with Christ, you have a reserve of power and love to call on each day, for help to meet every challenge or trial. You can pray for God’s power and love as you need it.
Let’s consider what we gain as a result of reconciliation.
Read Romans 5:18-21
III. YOU ARE GIVEN ETERNAL LIFE IN CHRIST – ROMANS 5:18-21
18 So then, as through one trespass there is condemnation for everyone, so also through one righteous act there is life-giving justification for everyone. 19 For just as through one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so also through the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. 20 The law came along to multiply the trespass. But where sin multiplied, grace multiplied even more 21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace will reign through righteousness, resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Paul’s intent in these verses is to bring forth the beauty of God’s grace gift.
Contrast the redeemed and the lost.
- Paul painted a picture with intriguing contrast. Redeemed persons of the world stand out from lost ones. All people, apart from Jesus Christ, have a fixed destination: “Through one trespass there is condemnation for everyone” (Rom. 5:18). Paul’s purpose was not to magnify the horrors of hell. His intent was to bring forth the beauty of God’s grace gift. Look at what Paul wrote by way of contrast: “through one righteous act there is life-giving justification for everyone” (5:18). When Paul wrote that salvation brings life “for everyone,” he certainly wasn’t implying that justification is automatic for all. All people must hear and respond to the gospel (Rom. 10:9).
We were all born into Adam’s physical family – the family line that leads to certain death. All of us have reaped the results of Adam’s sin. We have inherited his guilt, a sinful nature (the tendency to sin), and God’s punishment. Because of Jesus, however, we can trade judgment for forgiveness. We can trade our sin for Jesus’ righteousness. Christ offers us the opportunity to be born into His spiritual family – the family line that begins with forgiveness and leads to eternal life. If we do nothing, we have death through Christ.
What a promise this is to those who love Christ! We can reign over sin’s power, over death’s threats, and over Satan’s attacks. Eternal life is ours now and forever. In the power and protection of Jesus Christ, we can overcome temptation.
As a sinner, separated from God, you see His law from below, as a ladder to be climbed to get to God. Perhaps you have repeatedly tried to climb it, only to fall to the ground every time you have advanced one or two rungs. Or perhaps the sheer height of the ladder seems so overwhelming that you have never even started up. In either case, what relief you should feel to see Jesus offering with open arms to lift you above the ladder of the law, to take you directly to God! Once Jesus lifts you into God’s presence, you are free to obey – out of love, not necessity, and through God’s power, not your own. You know that if you stumble, you will not fall back to the ground. Instead, you will be caught and held in Christ’s loving arms.
5 Points from Romans 5:18-21:
1. The disobedience of Adam introduced sin and death into the world.
2. The obedience and righteousness of Christ brought justification and life.
3. We are sinners because we gave in to our sin nature and chose to sin.
4. We are declared righteous because we have placed our faith in Christ.
5. Grace is greater than sin.
Let’s conclude by considering what we will do with God’s love.
LIVE IT OUT
Sadly, love has been distorted and is now misunderstood. But thankfully, through Jesus Christ, we can experience true love that is unmerited, redemptive and perfect in every way.
1. Embrace God’s love. Spend time daily in God’s Word and discover what it says about His love for you.
2. Memorize Romans 8:38-39. When fears or the opinions of others weigh you down, remind yourself that nothing can separate you from God’s love.
3. Find a way to show love to an antagonist. Jesus died for both the just and the unjust. So be generous or otherwise show Christ like kindness to someone who’s not your favorite person.
Don’t walk around with your eyes on the floor like the girl with no esteem on the talk show. Show the world what love can do.
In our human relationships, a person who loves another looks for ways to communicate, demonstrate, and prove that love. Certainly love may be expressed through words, but even words of love need to be supported by acts of love. In that way the emotion of love takes on flesh. It is not only spoken, it is proved; it is not only heard, but seen.
God definitely demonstrated His love by giving His Son to die for us. By faith in Him, we are reconciled to God and given eternal life.
Prayer of Commitment
What wondrous love, O Lord, that You would send Jesus to die on my behalf that I might have eternal life. I stand amazed! Amen.
Added Articles on this lesson:
I was once a wife who was quick to point out my husband's faults. Quick to let him know when he was falling short of my expectations. Quick to let him know when he didn’t love me as God does.
You can't really blame me, can you? There isn't a wife on earth who doesn't want her husband to love her unconditionally – as God does. But when I turned it around and started trying to love my husband as God loves me, that's when things began to change in our marriage. I began focusing less on his faults and more on my own...and my own need for God's grace in my life.
My husband and I were talking the other day about how there would be far less marriages struggling today if just one partner in every marriage practiced the Bible's definition of love. Now, can you imagine what marriages would look like if both partners practiced unconditional, sacrificial and persevering love? There would be no strife, no stress, no bitterness, no built-up baggage. There would be no devastation or divorce. There would be two people, giving up their rights to themselves so they can serve one another. There would be a perfect picture in our love toward each other, of God's love toward us.
Maybe your husband doesn't seem like the man he once was. Yet you are still with him. That is persevering love. That is love that says "I made a promise...now I'm keeping it.” God did the same with you and me. Take a look at His never failing, unending, persevering love for you and see if you can't try modeling this to your husband:
He has promised He will never leave you.
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5) Can you say this to your husband, and truly mean it as God means it toward you?
He is always thinking only the best about you.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:17-18) Can you say that your mind is always filled with only good thoughts about your husband?
He is gentle toward you when you're broken.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3) Are you gentle toward your husband even when he is angry or unlovable – which is how he often responds when he's hurt?
He promises nothing will ever come between the two of you.
(Nothing) will be able to separate us from the love of God... (Romans 8:39) Are there any conditions or exceptions in your mind when it comes to loving your husband? Is there something in the back of your mind that he could do that would end it for the two of you? God holds none of those reservations about you. He has promised nothing – that includes nothing you can do – will ever come between you and God. Can you say the same to your husband?
He delights in you, quiets you with His love, and sings over you.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) Can you delight in your husband and rejoice over him, simply because of who he is – one who is loved by his heavenly father and by you? Think about the joy and comfort you have, knowing God feels that way about you. Now what would it add to your husband's life if he knew you truly delighted in him?
He loved you so much He was willing to die so He wouldn't have to live without you.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16) I once heard it said: don't marry someone you believe you can live with. Marry someone you know you can't live without. Have you cemented your love for your husband so deeply that you are convinced you would not want to live without him? In many ways, that's how God felt toward you. He found a way so that the two of you would never have to be separated.
He loved you in spite of yourself and still does.
But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) Would you show sacrificial love to your husband even if he didn't deserve it, even if he had turned his back on you? Scripture tells us: "This is the kind of love we are talking about – not that we once upon a time loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God. "My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other."
(1 John 4:10-11, The Message).
Now, from what you've seen about God's persevering love for you, can you love your husband:
Even when he's annoying you?
Even when he's inconsiderate?
Even when he's clearly 'unlovable'?
Even when he's clearly wrong and unrepentant?
Because we are not like God who never grows weary or wounded, we must know how to renew love for our husbands. We simply can't wait for the feelings to be there. I'm so glad God doesn't depend on His feelings for us. He has determined to love us, regardless. We must love our husbands that way, too. Because the world will take it out of us. Pain will take it out of us. The everyday stuff of life will take it out of us. But thanks be to God that He can replenish it in us.
In Isaiah 40:28-31, you have encouragement about this God who can fill you up with love for your husband: "Do you not now? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
How do you renew that love you once had for your husband? How do you get back that delight in him when he – or something in this life – has taken it out of you? By waiting on the Lord for His strength to love your husband through you and by going back to what first drew the two of you together.
Sometimes the easiest way to fall back in love with your man is to remember what first drew you to him.
Next time you're tempted to start listing what your husband is doing wrong, I encourage you to start listing what you love about him. It's what God would do, if He were in your shoes. By remembering what your husband does right, it will not only turn your heart back toward him, but it will be an outward sign to others that you love your man as God has loved you.
Marriage Is For Us: The Three of Us
When I first read the article “Marriage Isn’t for You,” I cringed. While on one hand, I agree with the author. Marriage is about loving the other person and about giving to the other person. At the same time, the author’s image of marriage came across to me as a relationship built on martyrdom and self-sacrifice to the point that the spiritual director side of me was screaming “no, no, no!!!” This author’s image makes marriage out to be a one-sided relationship.
My fear with this is it sets people up to enter marriage or any significant relationship thinking if they give enough to the other person or do enough for the other person this equates to love. In spiritual direction, the most frequent topic that arises is the other person questioning his or her worthiness to receive God’s love or to receive love from another person. Often, the lack of worthiness comes from feeling they have not done enough or they are not good enough to receive love that is freely given by God. At times, this leads people to feel that they can never give enough to God or to another in order to be loved. To love another, we have to understand that we are loveable, and this is vital to married life.
As a Catholic, my understanding of the Sacrament of Marriage is a threefold understanding. First, key to my understanding of marriage is the belief that God loves us first. We do nothing to deserve God’s love, and we can do nothing to earn this love. It is a gift freely given to us by God. God’s love for us is unconditional. Often the hardest part about being in relationship with God is opening ourselves up to fully receive God’s love. In marriage, it is important to remember that both husband and wife are loved first by God. It is only because we are loved by God that we are capable of loving others.
Second, as husband and wife, we are called to be open to both giving love and receiving love. As humans, one of the ways we can wrap our heads around a piece of God’s love for us is the love we experience from another person – a spouse, a parent, a friend, a relative, a mentor, a significant other, etc. In marriage, love is a two-way street. We are called to be active participants in receiving God’s love both from God and from our spouse. At the same time, we are called to be active participants in giving of our love, God’s love, freely to our spouse, and at the same time, return our love to God. To me, this is sacramental living, the ongoing encounter with God, both through our personal relationship with God and through our relationship with our spouse. It involves both giving loving and receiving love. Being loved by God and by my husband, Chris, allows me to love in return. Chris models Christ for me in how he loves me, and I am called to love Chris in the same way Christ loves.
Third, while Chris and I are called to be witnesses of God’s love to each other, I believe there is also an outward element to our married life. In the Nuptial blessing offered at our wedding, the words of the prayer were, “Give them strength…so they may be witnesses of Christ to others”. As a married couple, we are called to be signs of hope for others of God’s love. While this is a challenging task to live up to, I know that Chris and I hope that our marriage is a sign of God’s love for our children. We also hope that we live our marriage in a way that is a sign of God’s love for others. This means that marriage is for more than just the couple as well, it is a sign of God’s love out in the world.
To live out the vocation of marriage, though, marriage cannot be one-sided. To live up to this call, I cannot see marriage being only about one person giving. It is about all of us- God, husband, wife. Just as God loves us and wants us to love God, we are called to love one another in this same way of mutual giving and receiving of love so that we can be witnesses of God’s love in the world.
See you this Sunday!
In His Love,
David & Susan
